All of us have our guilty pleasure romantic comedy favorites, but I think we can all agree that most plot lines to rom coms are unrealistic, and even worse, secular. Recently there has been a push among evangelical Christians for more realistic films about romance in the modern Church. Here at the top 5 must-see Christian rom coms that will gratify the realist in us all.
10,000,000 Things I Prayed About You This is your classic boy meets girl, boy prays about whether or not to pursue girl for 3 years, in the meantime girl meets, dates, gets engaged, and marries someone else.
Boy, 2015
Boy, 2018
Several Okay Days Tough-as-nails single mom appropriately guards her heart against the advances of charming millionaire playboy. Dies alone
The heroine of this film played candy crush to distract herself from her romantic longings.
You Don’t Got Mail Young lady still living at home with parents signs up for online dating and begins a warm email exchange with a witty gentleman. Parents discover the emails and block witty gentleman so their daughter can focus on dating Jesus and nannying her siblings’ kids.
0 messages, 0 heart clutter
Focused in Philly Independent woman witnesses a murder, is assigned a darkly dangerous and handsome bodyguard to protect her until the court trial. Sparks fly. Man maintains professional conduct and they part ways amicably after the trial.
Always nice to end a relationship before it begins with a firm handshake!
Not Knocked Up Troubled bad boy moves in next door to awkward teenage girl. They develop and unexpected friendship until girl’s dad sees his tattoos and forbids future contact. She obeys and begins dating her effeminate childhood friend.
Tattoo free and sensitive ❤
Coming soon to a weird, indie theater far from you!
Here’s the dealio-yo: I have several persons and things that I’m lowkey obsessed with. I will therefore use this blog as a platform to explain to you, dearest of readers, why I love them so much. Why? Well, Misery may love company, but Fangirling marries and has babies with it, amiright?
Without further ado, this Stuffz Gallo Likes pilot episode is going to feature *drum roll * JOHN CRIST!
Let’s start with the obvs: John Crist is a comedic genius. His Instagram stories have made me giggle through some of my darkest hours (my favorite of his highlighted ig stories – Yoga and Buc-ee’s). His videos Christian Mingle Inspector and the Church Hunters episodes are satire at its BEST, and I watched this Bible Verse Lady video at least 14 times and lol’d every time. His stand-up makes me want to stand up and dance and cheer, know what I mean green bean?
But John Crist is worth more than a lolz. If his comedy is gold, his thoughtful contemplations are platinum. ⚡️ He genuinely inspired me in an interview with Sam Collier, radio host of A Greater Story. John said “[People are] like ‘Hey, I want to be a comic. I like what you do up there. What do you think about this bit?’ And I say … ‘If you believe in it, just go do it.’ … I respect anyone who just shows up.”
Amy Poehler said something similar in the beginning of her book Yes, Please!:“Remember, the talking about the thing isn’t the thing. The doing of the thing is the thing.“
I need to hear this, maybe every day. I have so many ideas – for blog posts, books, science experiments, entrepreneurial pursuits – some of which for sure border on brilliance… but if all I do is jabber about them or wait for someone else to validate them, it doesn’t matter. What should matter is if I think the ideas are good and/or funny and/or true. If they are, I should stop talking about it and make it happen. If they’re not, I should shut up and move on.
As my wise Majer once exclaimed, “Poo or get off the pot!”
But wait, there’s more! Later in the interview, John says “People ask me all the time, ‘Would you ever delete a tweet… would you ever delete a video .. would you ever delete something that wasn’t successful?’ I would say no, because that is giving people the power that you made it for them.”
Yowza. Some of my favorite posts get almost no views, and I have been tempted to go back and delete some of these shamefully unpopular posts. But I love John’s advice here. If I’m blogging for you – dear as you are – it probably won’t be as “true,” and definitely not as fun. I’ll either be constantly frustrated by my failure to engage people, or turn into a puppet, á la Billy Joel’s The Entertainer. So unfortunately for all of you, I’m going to keep posting stuff that, well, I like. All the better if some of you like it, too. But if not… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If this is how 99% of my readers respond to my blog posts, so be it. SO BE IT!!!!!!
In toto, THANK YOU JOHN, I LOVE YOU!* ❤ ❤ ❤
— EDITORIAL NOTES —
*As a sister in Christ, obvs…. #superchrish I’m not actually in love with him, for realz. Although a recent ex-boyfriend once asked me “If you love him so much, why don’t you marry him?” To which I sez, “Jokes on you – I already did.” At which he looked slightly amused, but also bemused. In restrospect, that was probably the beginning of the end. *gazes at John Crist poster plastered to ceiling* Dammit John, I hope you’re worth it.
Brad shares a deep insight into the scripture reading, and your heart leaps within you in affirmation. When you expand on Brad’s idea with a vulnerable example from your own spiritual journey, his eyes lock with yours for an electrifying moment. Before you even realize what’s happening, your very souls are linked together.
We can all relate to those times in your church small group when you and another member are just really jiving, and whether you like it or not, you just formed a soul tie.
Although these experiences can be heady, they are deleterious to our future relationships. Take it from Mary Anne McAllister, a long-suffering victim of an accidental soul tie despite being married for seven years to the man of her dreams. “I try to connect to my husband when we pray together, but all I can think about when I close my eyes is that one time when Jo-Jo McGee said ‘yes Lord’ in response to one of my prayers back in 2006.”
Rex Hood, a self-educated theologian and pastor, is offering freedom from these soul ties. “The best solution is prevention, obviously. I think we would all agree that any sort of connection with anyone who is not your future spouse will lead to devastating emotional and spiritual consequences for the rest of your life. But if the worst happens and you accidentally bond with someone of the opposite sex in your Christian community, there are certain… options.”
From here, the details get a little mysterious. Rex’s professional site does not disclose his particular methods, and his entire business relies on personal recommendations. He does have a 3.5 star rating on yelp, with some customer’s claiming “$500 is worth freeing my soul from over a decade of intimate, mixed-sex small group discussions!” He has, however, been spotted entering the homes of soul-tie victims with essential oils, a 4 ft wooden cross, and Michael W. Smith cds.
Rex remains unfazed by some accusations that charging $500 to sever each soul tie is a bit exploitative. “If you don’t think your soul is worth at least $500, I probably can’t help you anyway.”
For those with knotted souls and a little extra cash, it just may be worth it.
C. Gallo is a freelance writer in Atlanta, GA. She enjoys writing lies that make her lolz. Some of the characters in this story may be fictional, then again they may be real. Any resemblance to real persons or businesses might be on purpose, to cause controversy and drive up her blog views.
ATLANTA, GA – Local Christian radio station Ghost Jamz FM recently announced they are going to host a new music festival for Atlanta citizens.
“The name ‘stable knees’ is a double pun of sorts,” Mike McMahon, host of the Ghost Jamz morning radio segment Laughs with the Lord explained. “One, as praying people, we get on our knees frequently to petition the Lord. Two, we want to emphasize how stable our walk is because there will NOT be adult beverages served at this concert.”
Obviouslyyyyyyyy
The concert announcement is firm in it’s zero tolerance policy for alcohol of drugs of any kind. “If there are any smoky odors in this crowd, it better be from an altar of incense made of acacia wood,” McMahon warned.
The concert is listed to feature some Christian music giants, including Chris Tomlin. Some rumors have leaked that mature audiences might be blessed with a pop-up performance from Christian music veterans Petra. Simultaneously, youth choirs of local churches will be performing secular pop songs dubbed over with Christian lyrics. The Bethlehem Baptist Timothies have promised on social media they plan to perform a Christianized version Bebe Rexe’s and Florida Georgia’s Line Meant to Be with a Calvinist twist.
Perhaps not surprisingly, most youth choirs consist almost entirely of homeschoolers.
“The main purpose of this event is to show that we can do watered-down, sub-par knock-offs of secular events,” Ghost Jamz Marketing and Promotions Czar Heather Fluff stated in a press release.
The entry cost is free, but donations of $50 are expected.
My close friends and stalkers may have noticed that I have had a very low-key interwebz presence. I’ve actually been doing tons of stuff – sciencing, canoodling a stud muffin, fighting against glutens, ANDDDDD … Barre!
I bet you guys thought I took such a long break because I was working on some deep masterpiece explaining the intersection of my faith with my career.
Nay. But what I *have* done is compile a great exposition on the merits and fallbacks of my newest obsession.
I know… you may want to fast for a few hours before you read this one to make sure you are fully prepared.
Okay… so Barre … (which is, btdubs, basically Pilates with a bit of Ballet set to good music) …
Sweet stuffzzzz
Boyz free
Ima be real – sometimes if I take a peak around the class, it looks like a lamaz class and we’re all giving birth to these little blue rubbery balls. Also a lot of “tucking” which is basically tightly controlled, elegant, rhythmic… hip thrusting. #awkward Also^2, yoga pants abound. Given the amount of ogling that goes on in gyms just when a gal is trying to do some innocent bicep curls, I have never been so grateful for a testosterone-free environment *praise hands*
Makes you feel like a sleek tigress
Especially when we do the more dance-y part, it looks and feels really awesome to be doing the same movement in formation.
Tones your bod, especially good for abs and bootay. Seriously – there are many different body types among the instructors, but this they all have in common: magnificent arses. #Glutes4L
Barre instructing is 1/3 giving clear instructions, 1/3 challenging and encouraging your class, and 1/3 being a DJ scribbles mix master
Perfect correlation between how bumpin’ the music is and how motivated I am to hold that arabesque for 4 … counts..
My ability to move in rhythm has skyrocketed. I have now gone from awkward robot to slightly-tipsy-aunt-at-a-wedding. It’s about the journey, y’all.
this is basically me rn (illegally obtained from internet)
Very difficult for Barre to get too easy-peasy
Workouts can get boring, especially when they lose that burnin’ feeling. But with barre, you can always go deeper, add weights, raise your heels, or other great modifications to torture your body into fitness. 😀
Sour patch kidzzzz
I strongly do NOT recommend this workout unless you already use good form intuitively while working out (e.g. not letting your knee go past your toes during lunges, not hunching your shoulders, keeping a flat back, etc.). Sometimes I see a Barre lady doing something ridiculous that could injure herself / is just generally ineffective. Most Barre instructors will correct atrocious form, but sometimes if the class is full it’s hard for them to address each and every person’s bad form. Also, often okayish-but-not-great form is overlooked.
It’s pretty expensive, especially if you pay by the class. If you get unlimited for a month or two and go ~5/week it’s .. better.. but still. Quite the investment.
The vibe of the class is overall unfriendly. It’s almost as if we’re each in our little bubble and try as hard as possible not to acknowledge the other bubbles. It could just be my particular studio, but it’s a little bit weird.
Okay.. um… thanks guys. “Does anyone have any questions for me a this point?”*
— EDITORIAL NOTES —
*Whoever can guess correctly where that’s from gets $10,000 in Galloswag bucks!!
I have greatly enjoyed opening up my heart to foreign internet bots, passionate masculinazis, and my exes (recent market research indicated these three groups comprise 96.8% of Galloblog readers). But, the over-sharing sun has set, and the moon of discretion is rising.
I will no longer use this blog as an outlet to share the good, bad, ugly, and rando details of my dating life.
New year (kinda), so new life strategies, amiright?!
But don’t worry – I’m planning to write a lengthy manifesto titled “No Sex and the Kitties: How following Joshua Harris’ model for dating turned me into a lonely cat lady” available 2021.
As another parting gift, I’m leaving final thoughts that I had jotted down and I probably would have tried to pound out into an entire post for all of your reading pleasure. Alas, maybe someone else will stumble upon them and be set aflame with inspiration.
Here they are, in no particular order —-
He’s not that into you, and get over it. It’s not the end of the world if someone you’re dating isn’t swept off their feet by your charms. Sure, it’s always a blow to the ol’ ego, especially if you are a little swept away by them. But by pure statistics, it’s bound to happen – get over it, give it some time, and who knows— you might gain an amazing friend.
If you expect them, they will come. I think sometimes presupposing that all men are arse-holes is a self-fulfilling prophecy (maybe bc the good ‘uns are *for some reason* not attracted to our contempt). So yeah — expect to meet amazing men, and you probably will.
There really are many fish in the sea – don’t give in to the scarcity complex and latch onto people who are grossly incompatible with you.
We need to be more gracious about people’s pasts. It’s more important how someone has dealt with their past and what their trajectory is now, than that they have lived a perfect life since birth.
Let’s make dating fun again. It’s okay to get to know someone in a relaxed, casual manner. No need to dissect their worldview and see the last 6 months of their credit card statements on the first few dates.
A call for exclusive cas. Dating more than one person at a time – even when they all know you’re not being exclusive – sounds easy and breezy, but was a terrible idea for me. I was emotionally spread thin and unnecessarily hurt some really great people. From now on, as much as possible — even if I don’t tell the dude I’m doing so — I’m going to focus on one romancer at a time.
(That being said), Dating and hurt feels.. like peas and carrots. Listen up people — there’s no secret technique for avoiding hurting your own or someone else’s feelings. That being said, it is worth trying to be as considerate as possible.
I could be single forever. If so, what a waste to wallow around feeling sorry for myself, or work myself into an emotional frenzy each and every time I go on a few dates with someone I see potential with. Like the secular sage Joel Osteen declares, Live your best life now! Lolzzzzz. But seriously — I feel like keeping the big picture in mind has helped me not wait for an ideal relationship status before I start doing stuff (traveling, trying out new restaurants, etc.). It also makes me want to invest more in really great frands #ovariesbeforebrovaries
Don’t buy into the relationship prosperity gospel. God does not owe you a perfect spouse because you courted instead of dated, if you’re saving yourself for marriage, or whatever. And if you haven’t followed Joshua Harris’ … or Marshal Segal’s … or Ben Stuart’s relationship books perfectly, God may very well still choose to bless your socks off in the romantic department. Yep.. *squints knowingly in the distance* It’s called grace.
I just gave you 9 blog posts in 1. Lucky day, lucky day.
A part of me will miss this greatly. But a wise soul said to me a while ago – “Be careful who you invite to speak into your life.” Posting this pretty personal stuff for the entire world to read is essentially inviting the entire world to speak into my love life. Sorry Charlies, but I don’t want or need that no more.
Several of C. Gallo’s former friends and estranged relatives have accused the famous blogger of multiple counts of inappropriate texting behavior. Some of the allegations span back to 2005, when she received her first Nokia cellphone.
“I would text Claire to invite her on a date for Friday night, and she wouldn’t text me back until Saturday and pretend she had just seen it,” disclosed one man, who asked to be given the pseudonym “Gallolover4L.”
Even members of C. Gallo’s own family came forward, claiming that she rarely responds to group texts. “C. Gallo mutes group texts with family- I checked her phone once when she left the room without it,” said her sister, adding, “She also takes way too many pictures of herself in the car.”
Other complaints centered around C. Gallo’s liberal use of millennial slang in her texts. “…’I don’t feel like talking rn’? She doesn’t feel like talking to a registered nurse? … ‘Totes McGoats’? Is that a new type of handbag? … ‘Your vacation pics are giving me fomo’? Is this a disease?” her Dad asked, scrolling through his text history.
Recently leaked footage from traffic cams show C. Gallo engrossed with her texting and missing entire green lights at some of the busiest intersections in Atlanta, prompting a Tweetstorm against C. Gallo. The critics are organizing around the hashtag #TrueTextsWait
The accusations came as a shock to the elite blogging community. C. Gallo has long-been touted as an advocate for Android users with restricted emoji access, and is admired by many for her lightning-fast text replies.
At the time this article was written, C. Gallo was not available for comment.
C.S. Lewis is beloved among the Christian community for his allegorical fantasy fiction and strong apologetics for the Christian faith. Recently however, the Christian community reeled with shock at the content within manuscripts discovered in the back of Lewis’ work desk. Watson Button, who purchased the desk at an estate sale, explained dazedly “My wife and I expected to maybe find a rough outline for a new fantasy novel or something, but nothing prepared us for this.” What the Buttons discovered was an entire compilation of secret books expressing a wild devotion to health and veganism. For the sake of brevity, only the following titles and brief descriptions are given below.
Surprised by Soy
Lewis describes the exciting twists and turns of his 3 month “meatless Monday” journey.
A Beef Observed
A grave look at the meat production industry, and a call to action to stop cow genocide.
Mere Veganity
Considered a classic among veganists, this book provides a powerful logical case for veganism that even the most avid meat lovers would be hard pressed to dismiss.
The Lychee, the Rib, and the Hearth Stove
This epic novel follows the journey of three children who discover an enchanted hearth stove that sucks them into a world full of wonder and excitement, complete with a benevolent lychee and a sinister rack of spare ribs.
The Problem of Cane (Sugar)
Lewis tackles the universal question, “Why am I craving gummy worms right now?”
The Dietician’s Cashew
A high fantasy novel for children follows the story of a single cashew and his fight to be recognized as an alternate source of protein.
Needless to say, the these books have left Christians to thrash wildly in a bewildering sea of questions. Is Lewis still a credible theologian? Are there latent messages in his fictional stories that may be perverting the minds of our children, leaving them vulnerable to vegan propaganda? Can we trust a man who wouldn’t eat at Chick-fil-A?!
Only one thing is certain- we cannot simply say veganism is a fine diet to adhere to. No! Veganism is either the way to health, or it is utter nonsense. None of us- not one- can be indifferent.
I recently started a new position at my university. It always takes a little time to assimilate to a new work culture, but this department is especially bewildering. It’s not just that I went from a department with entire colloquiums about pair-bonding to a department that’s more interested in base pairs. Nay… nay! It’s more than that.
The very halls of this department are saturated in mystery.
First, there is the Vanishing Succulent Enthusiast. In the break room, the perverted remains of a misguided Pinterest project pervade the counter space. Cacti in a cass dish– why didn’t I think of that?! Oh, bc it’s creepy and nonsensical that’s why. Who put them here? No one knows.. supposedly. Yet they haven’t died, which means **someone** is tending them. Who could this be?
Especially strange is the Spoon of Encouragement embedded within the cacti. Have you ever been feeling down, and just longed for a spoon to come out of nowhere and lift your spirits? Then this break-room is for you! Look no further than within the prickly beasts taking up 40% of the viable counterspace! This utensil of cheer has taught me a simple but profound truth: it’s not the food on the inside of your spoon that’s important, it’s the message on the outside of your spoon! Selah But.. what is the source of this spoon’s sapiency??
Let us now consider the Powder Room du Femme Greenhouse. Gone are the days in which we all had to muster up the courage to poo sans the comfort of nature. It’s so simple— all that unused counterspace is perfect for a full plant display to delight the senses of all restroom patrons. Just breathe it in.*
What remains to be determined is if and how the same VSE is responsible for these potty plants.** Stay tuned!!
The intrigue of the plants was only recently surpassed by the Sock of the Survivor. This laundry enigma debuted on December 19, 2017, tossed carelessly on the floor. Despite some diligent sleuthing, I was never able to identify a Unisocker among my colleagues. Thus, I can only conclude that the sock came from an extra-departmental source. Was it a message from the humanities that was too symbolic for us hard scientists to grasp? Did a frustrated lab tech rip it off in a fit of rage after a botched PCR attempt??
One week later, someone – exactly who was never determined – relocated the sock from the floor to the bench outside of my lab. It remained there for several weeks, generating a buzz of speculation amongst my labmates and I. We considered taking turns wearing it, as a symbol of the post-modern absurdism that permeates our daily lives.
But alas, not even two days ago, the sock was gone. Did the original sock-wearer find it and go away rejoicing? Did the sock creep away to another department floor, desperately seeking a new adventure?
So many questions, very few answers. But that’s why I’m a scientist I suppose – the mysteries, the unknowns, they thrill me!
galloblog 