Barre: The ultimate rich white girl workout

My close friends and stalkers may have noticed that I have had a very low-key interwebz presence. I’ve actually been doing tons of stuff – sciencing, canoodling a stud muffin, fighting against glutens, ANDDDDD … Barre!

I bet you guys thought I took such a long break because I was working on some deep masterpiece explaining the intersection of my faith with my career.



Nay. But what I *have* done is compile a great exposition on the merits and fallbacks of my newest obsession.

I know… you may want to fast for a few hours before you read this one to make sure you are fully prepared.

Okay…  so Barre … (which is, btdubs, basically Pilates with a bit of Ballet set to good music) …

Sweet stuffzzzz 

  • Boyz free
    • Ima be real – sometimes if I take a peak around the class, it looks like a lamaz class and we’re all giving birth to these little blue rubbery balls. Also a lot of “tucking” which is basically tightly controlled, elegant, rhythmic… hip thrusting. #awkward Also^2, yoga pants abound. Given the amount of ogling that goes on in gyms just when a gal is trying to do some innocent bicep curls, I have never been so grateful for a testosterone-free environment *praise hands*
  • Makes you feel like a sleek tigress
    • Especially when we do the more dance-y part, it looks and feels really awesome to be doing the same movement in formation.
    • Tones your bod, especially good for abs and bootay. Seriously – there are many different body types among the instructors, but this they all have in common: magnificent arses. #Glutes4L
  • Barre instructing is 1/3 giving clear instructions, 1/3 challenging and encouraging your class, and 1/3 being a DJ scribbles mix master
      • Perfect correlation between how bumpin’ the music is and how motivated I am to hold that arabesque for 4 … counts..
      • My ability to move in rhythm has skyrocketed. I have now gone from awkward robot to slightly-tipsy-aunt-at-a-wedding. It’s about the journey, y’all.

        this is basically me rn (illegally obtained from internet)


    • Very difficult for Barre to get too easy-peasy
      • Workouts can get boring, especially when they lose that burnin’ feeling. But with barre, you can always go deeper, add weights, raise your heels, or other great modifications to torture your body into fitness. 😀

 Sour patch kidzzzz

  • I strongly do NOT recommend this workout unless you already use good form intuitively while working out  (e.g. not letting your knee go past your toes during lunges, not hunching your shoulders, keeping a flat back, etc.). Sometimes I see a Barre lady doing something ridiculous that could injure herself / is just generally ineffective. Most Barre instructors will correct atrocious form, but sometimes if the class is full it’s hard for them to address each and every person’s bad form. Also, often okayish-but-not-great form is overlooked.
  • It’s pretty expensive, especially if you pay by the class. If you get unlimited for a month or two and go ~5/week it’s .. better.. but still. Quite the investment.
  • The vibe of the class is overall unfriendly. It’s almost as if we’re each in our little bubble and try as hard as possible not to acknowledge the other bubbles. It could just be my particular studio, but it’s a little bit weird.


Okay.. um… thanks guys. “Does anyone have any questions for me a this point?”*



*Whoever can guess correctly where that’s from gets $10,000 in Galloswag bucks!!