6 every-day terrorists you should learn about NOW

I don’t like to be dramatic, but I am surrounded by terrorists. Yes, people who strike fear and hatred into even my tenderest of hearts. People who make the world a worse place for everyone.

The most insidious part of it all is that most of these terrorists go unrecognized, and their reign of terror marches on unabashedly. The burden falls on me to call out these commonplace, run-of-the-mill DESTROYERS OF JOY for what they are: every-day terrorists.

Ready? You should take notes.

1) Gym screamers

 

gymyell
This dude is undoubtedly going to let out an obnoxious squeal. The orange shoes guarantee it. (pixabay image)

 

We’ve all been there – you’re keeping to yourself, being a model gym citizen, and then you hear it – half tortured yet half rapturous, someone is squealing and hollering with each rep. Are they feeling extreme pain? Are they feeling inappropriate pleasure? No one knows exactly, but we all know that we feel wildly uncomfortable.

2) Chronic flakes

 

cornflakes
I honestly rather hang with this bowl of corn flakes. (pixabay image)

Not to be confused with corn flakes, these are those people who take a perverse delight in contacting you regularly to hang out, and then canceling last minute. Cancel once – nbd. Cancel twice – jokes on me. Cancel thrice – leave me be.

3) Eaters of boiled eggs in the work place

 

boiledeggs
Ew. (pixabay image)
smelly
^emergency response (pixabay image)

 

 

Thought sulfur warfare was the stuff of Old Testament curses? Not if your co-worker Brad has rolled out his lean-protein-diet on the cheap.

 4) Humorless hacks

 

 

humorless
How most of you are looking rn. Careful that your face doesn’t FREEZE LIKE THAT! *chortles*  (pixabay image)

Aka, people who don’t laugh at my jokes. Basically useless human beings.

5) People who are beautiful without trying 

 

jennifergarner
Googles “Jennifer Garner without makeup.” Weeps. (rando interweb pic – please don’t sue!)

 

*incensed, Gallohag sets her 1,394 beauty products on fire*

6) Plate food intermixers 

 

mixedplate
WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGE (pixabay image)

Friend: “Ima just let this bean juice run all up in this here coleslaw..”

Me: *vomits*

These are the top 6. Is it coincidental that if you have three 6s together, you have the el numero de diablo?

If you have additional terrorist types to report, please notify me immediately. Our happiness, nay – our future.. NAY – our children’s happiness in the future with how happy our future was with their happy future !!!! depends on it.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close