This girl was homeschooled for 12 years. What happened after that will have you in tears!

 

me_child
Where did Gallo get her swag?? Born with it.

Meet Lil Gallo, age 5ish. Her mom began homeschooling her a few months before her 6th birthday. What happened next?

As a child and pre-teen, she had tons of extra time to volunteer on political campaigns. Shook the President of the United States hand when she was 11 years old. During his gubernatorial campaign, Sonny Perdue knew her by name. Met a lot of amazing, crazy, interesting people.

As an older teen, she got a job in high school working 30ish hours a week. Worked there for 4 years, and received several promotions and raises. Made a lot of friends there, many of which she still keeps up via the book of faces.

During that time, she also started attending a state college as a full time student. Made some great friends of all kinds of races, religions, and political affiliations, some of whom she hangs out with 10 years later. Graduated summa cum laude in 4 years.

From there she became a graduate student at a private University. Received her Master’s degree in 2 years, and her PhD 4 years after that. Made some friends, dated some fellers, traveled around the country and world.

Currently does research, loves to meet new people and travel, and writes a mainly-idiotic blog for funsies.

But WAIT! Isn’t she mal-adjusted, socially inept, scared of the world, set back in life, etc.? No, you ignorant snobbo.

So– have some people had terrible experiences with homeschooling? Of course.. just like others have had terrible experiences with various public and private schools. Are some parents psychotic? Of course… as are some teachers and peers in more traditional schools.

I don’t really care if people homeschool their kids or not, but I do care that people have all sorts of super-negative ideas about it. This post was anecdotal, for sure — but there have also been a lot of academic studies on various aspects of homeschooling and how successful homeschoolers are by several different measures. Usually homeschoolers are just the same if not better on a variety of different outcomes — Check out this review by Brian Ray (2010), and some of these other individual studies: Lower drug use | Sleep quality | College performance.

Don’t be an uneducated buffoon about this education choice! It worked well for this Gallo 🙂

 

graduation
Purposefully blurry for anti-stalking purposes!!

 

— EDITORIAL NOTES —

NOTE: I don’t think you need to get a PhD to defend your family’s. Choice to homeschool. There is much more to becoming a successful adult who contributes meaningfully to society than your educational attainment. My point is that it’s unlikely to ruin a kid’s life, and just might free them to pursue different opportunities that will shape them for the better 🙂

 

 

 

 

Baby Boomers: Get off your arse and harass a millennial

Something happened to me this week that blew my mind, and then it blew my mind that it blew my mind– totes meta.

The background: I met this hilarious, encouraging, Spirit-filled lady at my church who’s probably 30ish years my senior. We had similar life passions so we decided to get coffee and chat a few times before church. The last time we met, it was ambiguous if we would meet up again, and I thought “well, she’s probably busy. Maybe we’ll see each other around.”

barney
Actual picture of us chatting. Jk. FROM THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE

This week, I get an email from her titled “WHERE ARE YOU.” Apparently I had missed an email from her inviting me to hang last Sunday.

Here’s the outrageous part- she followed up! THEN when I explained that I had missed her email, she invited me to something else!

💥💥💥

^my brains

If you are underwhelmed right now, let me ‘splain.

It is incredibly easy to ghost people. I don’t like to brag, but I’ve done some hardcore ghosting through the years. Even MORE easy is to ghost Christian community. There’s nothing brag-worthy about this- most churches are so concerned with attracting new people they forget to care about keeping them there. Many a time your little Gallo has slinked her way out of Christian community like a spiritually dry ninja. 🙅🏻 So when this lady was like “Yo yo! where you at, boo?”* it meant a lot to me that she 1) noticed 2) cared an 3) wasn’t putting up with any passive-rebellious nonsense.**

Even more fundamental though, is just that this lady has taken the time to Make Concrete Plans! Stick to Them! Meet Me Face to Face! Follow up!

Even MORE fundamental- at risk of sounding pathetic – it actually warms the cockles of my lil heart that she simply … took an interest in me.

But wait, there’s more!

When we meet, somehow without condescending or dismissing my struggle bus rides, she encourages me. I always feel optimistic and positive about life when we’re done meeting. For realzzzz, how many people can you say that about??

I say all this not *only* because she’s my #WomanCrushWednesday, but because I want you old fogies ( 😉) to know how little you have to do to be a huge source of light and encouragement to a millennial.

I Love You Hearts GIF by Feliks Tomasz Konczakowski - Find & Share on GIPHY

Instead of sharing articles with each other bemoaning how the Youths are always staring at their phones, you could rock their world by busting out those social skills you grieve that we don’t have and 1) initiate a conversation 2) make a concrete plan 3) be a consistent, stable force of good in their lives.***

What an opportunity! Show us how it’s done, baby boomers!

 

— EDITORIAL NOTES —

*that was the gist 😉

**even though this time was a mistake, she didn’t know that!

***sorry for all the enumerations. I just 1) have a lot of points and 2) I don’t really care so 3) I’m really not sorry

 

 

 

6 every-day terrorists you should learn about NOW

I don’t like to be dramatic, but I am surrounded by terrorists. Yes, people who strike fear and hatred into even my tenderest of hearts. People who make the world a worse place for everyone.

The most insidious part of it all is that most of these terrorists go unrecognized, and their reign of terror marches on unabashedly. The burden falls on me to call out these commonplace, run-of-the-mill DESTROYERS OF JOY for what they are: every-day terrorists.

Ready? You should take notes.

1) Gym screamers

 

gymyell
This dude is undoubtedly going to let out an obnoxious squeal. The orange shoes guarantee it. (pixabay image)

 

We’ve all been there – you’re keeping to yourself, being a model gym citizen, and then you hear it – half tortured yet half rapturous, someone is squealing and hollering with each rep. Are they feeling extreme pain? Are they feeling inappropriate pleasure? No one knows exactly, but we all know that we feel wildly uncomfortable.

2) Chronic flakes

 

cornflakes
I honestly rather hang with this bowl of corn flakes. (pixabay image)

Not to be confused with corn flakes, these are those people who take a perverse delight in contacting you regularly to hang out, and then canceling last minute. Cancel once – nbd. Cancel twice – jokes on me. Cancel thrice – leave me be.

3) Eaters of boiled eggs in the work place

 

boiledeggs
Ew. (pixabay image)
smelly
^emergency response (pixabay image)

 

 

Thought sulfur warfare was the stuff of Old Testament curses? Not if your co-worker Brad has rolled out his lean-protein-diet on the cheap.

 4) Humorless hacks

 

 

humorless
How most of you are looking rn. Careful that your face doesn’t FREEZE LIKE THAT! *chortles*  (pixabay image)

Aka, people who don’t laugh at my jokes. Basically useless human beings.

5) People who are beautiful without trying 

 

jennifergarner
Googles “Jennifer Garner without makeup.” Weeps. (rando interweb pic – please don’t sue!)

 

*incensed, Gallohag sets her 1,394 beauty products on fire*

6) Plate food intermixers 

 

mixedplate
WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGE (pixabay image)

Friend: “Ima just let this bean juice run all up in this here coleslaw..”

Me: *vomits*

These are the top 6. Is it coincidental that if you have three 6s together, you have the el numero de diablo?

If you have additional terrorist types to report, please notify me immediately. Our happiness, nay – our future.. NAY – our children’s happiness in the future with how happy our future was with their happy future !!!! depends on it.

 

5 techniques to ensure victory in all your online debates

All the intellectual elites know that the interwebs are for destroying everyone who disagrees with you. This comes naturally to people like me who possess superior intelligence and unmatched wit. However, if you’re an averagé civilian, use the following techniques to ensure you are victorious each and every time you debate online.

You may believe that the interwebs are for connecting with old friends, keeping up with your out-of-town family members, or something else equally ridiculous. If so, you are a naïve fool. All the intellectual elites know that the interwebs are for destroying everyone who disagrees with you. This comes naturally to people like me who possess superior intelligence and unmatched wit. However, if you’re an averagé civilian, use the following techniques to ensure you are victorious each and every time you debate online.

60percentitworkseverytime

1) Use your grammar gun and spelling sword

The first rule of online arguments is that the first person to make a typo loses. The content is irrelevant – if they used “there” instead of “their,” it’s over. Just say, “You mean ‘their’? Lolz, you’re an uneducated buffoon.” BOOM, you win!

2) Abruptly become too mature and busy for the argument

aintnobodygottimeforthatIt’s very important you don’t let your opponent get the upper hand. If they start sounding pretty smart and convincing, spontaneously evolve into a mature, working person who does not have time for this nonsense. Make a witty remark about how they must not have a job and exit the conversation with a beautifully crafted spirit of condescension.

3) Name-call them into submission

Poop_Emoji
If short on time, you can always just leave this poop emoji instead of spelling out “poophead”

A timeless online debate technique is to reach deep to your middle school roots and start calling your opponent names. “Libtard” is a great go-to if you’re a conservative arguing with a liberal, and “Ignorant fascist” is an all-purpose name for most conservatives. If it isn’t political, you can never go wrong with “poophead.”

4) Use links and memes instead of your own words

Don’t get suckered into spending a lot of time formulating intelligent arguments. I highly recommend posting links to multiple, lengthy articles in response to your opponents comments. This is brilliant because it makes you look like you are backed by legit data. Plus, there’s a 99% chance no one will actually read the links. Seriously, I once cowed an opponent into silence by rapidly posting 5 links to recipes for different variations of whoopie pies. Memes are also particularly useful. I mean, who can argue against the condescending Willy Wonka?

5) Flood them with a tsunami of words

tsunami
Imagine each water molecule is a word! (pixabay free images)

If all else fails, just make all your comments exceed 1,200 words. The key is to basically drown your opponent with a flood of words that even the most patient of interweb users could never bear to read through and make sense of what you’re saying. This way, no matter how they reply, you can just say “Did you even read my response?” to which they will have to honestly say “no.” And there you go – victory!

There you go! Go get ‘em, little tiger!

DON’T YOU DARE READ THIS WITHOUT LIKING, COMMENTING, OR SHARING, YOU POOPHEAD!!

You Can Keep the Change

Remember when you were a kiddo, and you used to play make-believe? Wasn’t that jolly?? Okey, then! Let’s play make-believe for une minuto.

soup
A gross looking pot of soup, from pixabay images.
***
Connie is making a pot of soup for a large crowd of people. There was a general consensus after the early taste-test that the soup really needed salt. So, Connie starts adding one grain of salt at a time.
Then Libby storms the kitchen, shoves Connie away from the stove, and screeches, “This isn’t progressing like it should!” She proceeds to dump an entire cup of salt into the soup and serves it to the guests.
When asked to explain her brash actions, Libby snorts, “Connie wasn’t getting anything done. We needed that tasteless soup changed NOW!” But many guests grumble about the salty disaster they were served. When Libby hears them, she huffs, “You just love tasteless soup! Plus, I prefer over-salty to under-salty.”  Some of Connie’s closest friends snap back testily, “But we prefer under-salty to over-salty!”
****
The point of this dynamo story, dear readers o’ mine, is that getting behind causes or movements that call for general “change” or “progress” is lamé. When you’re dissatisfied with a situation, don’t get on board the Generic General and chug toward Change, Otherwise Unspecified. Maybe the change suits your personal tastes, but that doesn’t mean that it will taste better for everyone. As the youths say, it’s still “extra.” It’s just extra in a different direction.
download
Outstanding artistry of coins, also from pixabay images.
 So don’t be an Extra Eliza. And don’t advocate for change or progress solely because it’s different from now, even if now kind of sucks. Let’s get behind smart changes – with an actual end-goal in mind  – instead of simply, “anything but this!” That will be progress. Then we can all eat a tasty, nicely salted soup. Hmmm.. delicious.