Give me feels, or give me death

I’m a feeler, y’all.

When I’m mad, I sputter angrily. When I’m sad, I cry piteously. When I’m guilty, my tummy feels nauseatingly twisty. When I lolz, it’s a wild cackle, sometimes accompanied with hearty snorts. When I’m infatuated, I feel like throwing tulip petals over Atlanta as I fly around on a magic carpet with my infatuater.

feels
Not to get too off-topic, but my Scrabble game is ON POINT (image from pixabay)

As you can imagine, stoicism is not my strong suit.

A few years ago, I got tired of being feelsy. And guess what? I was successful! During these years, I truly had less drama. I didn’t get mad or cry very much. Life was so serene. But, I never want to go back to that place.

Why? Because I also didn’t lolz very much. Most disappointingly, there was not even *one* magic carpet ride. 😥

Why? Well, the secret to stop feeling is to stop loving and caring about people. You cannot love without hurting.* Except myself, of course. I somehow manage to never stop caring about myself. And that’s just an icky way to live.

If you pride yourself on being “drama free,” or brag that you don’t really grieve over your exes or lost friendships – shame on you. What are you gaining, except numbness to the people around you? No thank you, Louie Baloo.

Give me the angry sputters, give me piteous cries, give me the tummy twists. Because they are a symptom of caring and loving. And because magic carpet rides are SO worth it. *snorts*

magic carpet
^Legit (image from pixabay)

— EDITORIAL NOTES —

*At least for a feeler like me. If you are a stoïque d’amour, WRITE YOUR OWN BLOG.

The libra part of me insists that I offer a balanced view of this. Obvs, some people are able to take very loving action without feeling particularly worked up. And it’s probably not healthy to always be at the extreme ends of positive and negative emotions.

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9 thoughts on “Give me feels, or give me death

  1. I’m guessing you’re familiar with this quote… it’s one of my faves from C.S. Lewis, and lines up perfectly with what you wrote:

    “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” -(from The Four Loves)

    Personally, I can struggle with stoicism a bit. But I usually feel like I don’t have trouble having joy too. I don’t get me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So good! I think I may have heard that quote before. Maybe I accidentally plagiarized The famous CS Lewis 😓
      I seriously envy you for that! Just thank the Lort that you’re not a hysterical woman I guess 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh great… now I have to deal with comment competition from… New York City! La tee freakin da…

    He he, jk, but I will post my thoughts before reading y’all’s exchange, cuz… multiple independent discovery is a thing! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_discovery

    I enjoyed reading this post. The substance of the post was edifying, but the style was delightful, per the uje 🙂

    Sorry if I seem to have a one track mind, but I think it’s unfortunate when Christians criticize fellow believers for being distraught over a breakup. I have heard, and I quote, “If you really put God first–if you didn’t idolize marriage–you wouldn’t be so upset.” Arghhhhhh! I too struggle with stoicism (so I did accidentally glance at one of Robert’s comments as I was scrolling down), but one emotion I am not afraid of… anger. Hehe, it’s sad, but it’s true. (Well, it would be sad if I could feel such a thing.) No, but seriously, I don’t think I have the healthiest balance of emotion, but, as Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 12:17: “If the whole body were a cry, where were the sneering? If the whole were sneering, where were the yelling?” Hehe, but I do think my occasional wrothness (I love the KJV, what can I say?) can be channeled into good use, if I am careful.

    Did I ever tell you of the story when I was reminiscing with my cousin about “the good ole days”, and I was just about to apologize to him for one of the “bad ole days” that we had, but then he said, ” No. Thank you. When you ‘let me have it’, I started caring more about not being selfish to my friends… I realized I was a brat.” Obviously, there are times when I go over the edge… you may or may not have been witness to one of them… I plead the fifth. Still, I think anger is one of the most underrated (and yet somehow one of the most overplayed) emotions out there 😉

    Now, to transition to #aboutsomething

    I really do struggle with a lack of emotion sometimes. I think my brother Jimmy’s suicide has something to do with it. I was not in “denial” about the sadness and pain that caused me. I felt it dearly for a long time. But I have a distinct memory of a day when I said to myself, “It’s not doing Jimmy any good. He can’t feel my grief. This won’t make him know I miss him. He can’t know anything anymore. There’s no reason to feel these feels so much anymore.” And while I do think it is best for people to eventually “move on” from these tragedies, I sometimes think I have moved on too much. I truly have difficulty feeling anything when his name is brought up. It’s easier with home movies–I’m so glad we have them (moreover, it’s a good reminder that those his ending was sad, much of his life was happy). I’ve also felt a lot of emotion when I’ve posted personal things concerning him on Facebook. “When it rains, it pours.” Sometimes, when I start reminiscing, all the memories flood back. And so do the tears. And I think this is a good thing.

    Jimmy and I used to kid around a lot. A looooooot. It’s how my family is–especially the males. I enjoy kidding around, of course. But constant kidding can be a guard against more serious moments, which are not always so much fun, but can be so edifying. “It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting.” Modern American pastimes like playing Cards Against Humanity or seeing a stand up comedian or watching sitcom after sitcom may be putting us too rarely in “the house of mourning”. Perhaps we as a society would *feel* more for the victims (collateral damage or targets) of our mightiness, and I can’t see how that would be a bad thing. It’s very easy to *talk* about how it’s not the government’s responsibility to risk its own citizens lives for the sake of political correctness (viz. the Syrian refugee crisis), but I think it would make a radical change in American politics if the average American could *feel* what these poor souls are going through. Right after hearing about another suicide bombing in Mosul, we can watch three straight episodes of the office; and we often do just that. “To feel or not to feel? That is the question.”

    Feelings are odd things sometimes. Feelings about feelings can be much odder. For instance, I felt very happy when I got my first 4.0 semester at Georgia Tech. But then I felt that this feeling was a symptom of pridefulness. I’ve felt very sorrowful about Jimmy’s suicide, but as I feel it, and as I long to express it, I feel, “this too is vanity; a chasing after attention.” If I say something sweet and pathetic about Jimmy, I receive the comfort. If I express a memory powerfully, I receive the adulation. He receives nothing. It’s always “me, me, me”. That’s how I’ve felt.

    So I think these variegated emotions–sadness in missing him, guilt for not helping him more, guilt for self-centered sadness, and, last but not least, guilt for not being sad–have made me turn off my emotional spigot to a slow trickle.

    And I know it may seem unhealthy to some, but as a great intellectual emoter once said:

    “Do you suppose I don’t feel it? And the more I drink the more I feel it. That’s why I drink too. I try to find sympathy and feeling in drink… I drink so that I may suffer twice as much!”

    I really am sometimes able to get in touch with my emotional side more easily when I’m drunk. Why, just the other day, I was puke-drunk, and I felt feelings for a special ex-girlfriend that I hadn’t felt in quite some time. Even still, I missed work the next day, and I think we can all grant that boundaries on emotions are not altogether out-of-line. As another great intellectual emoter once said:

    To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
    A time to born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
    A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
    A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
    A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
    A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
    A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
    A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

    And let us not forget the beautiful rendering of the NNIV:

    A time to blog, and a time to refrain from blogging.

    Talk to y’all later, friends :*)

    Liked by 2 people

  3. As uje, ty so much for reading and for the gracious comments!

    I’m not sure why any Christian would chastise someone for being upset. King David was basically bipolar, one of the reasons why I love reading his stuff. Some of my prayer journal entries are about as spastic. Plus, Jesus wept ya know.

    I love your point on negative emotions, especially anger! I actually have a hard time feeling/staying angry, and I see it as a character flaw. Some things truly deserve our “righteous” anger (e.g. exploitation of the vulnerable). I think people usually want to avoid it because it can go awry so quickly, but it’s absolutely necessary. Never getting mad just means you have no principles, I think, or value people liking you over your own principles (ouch, I’m convicting myself!). I wish I could take some of your anger in exchange for some of my peace-lovingness 😀

    I’m not sure what to do about the emotional numbness that the over-saturation of info from the interwebs seems to perpetuate. I do it, too. I just feel like we would all be emotional wrecks if we fully processed all the bad news we hear. That’s something that I’m still trying to figure out how to balance.

    I would encourage you to not feel guilty about your feelings! Unless you are willfully using their expression to manipulate people, of course. I never thought about sadness being a selfish emotion.. I guess it can be, but I also know that mourning with others can be a very kind, helpful thing. And even if it doesn’t directly benefit the people/person/situation you’re mourning over, I don’t see how pretending it doesn’t both you will help anyone or anything, either!

    I can’t say that alcohol brings out feelings in me. If anything, I feel kind of dull, slow, and stupid. But alcohol is notorious for bringing out different qualities in different temperaments, yes?

    Beautiful quote. Really, this comment is both longer, better-written, and more important than my original post. WAY TO STEAL MY THUNDER! Jk. It was fab.

    Like

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