I like big guns and I cannot lie

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I’m tired of lying to myself and the world, and I will no longer live in a ratty dish cloth of guilt – I love me a man with musclezzzz.
 I know that to some, this confession seems ridiculous. Why would anyone feel guilty about  appreciating a good pair of latissimus dorsi? Well it seems to be a popular narrative among *some* communities that it’s a horrible thing to ever consider any feature of the opposite sex besides their personality. Bonus points if you can actually stand hanging out with them and enjoy the same food. But evaluate someone based on their looks?! *gasp* Be gone, you trollop!
  Even if you can’t relate to that, there’s another narrative among some people that goes something like this: On one hand, you have the beefy, unintelligent gym hounds who are obsessed with their bodies, and on the other hand, there are the intelligent, environmentally conscious, Prius-driving gentlemen who gravely dress their skinny bodies in worn leather and plaid, put on artsy hats, and discuss poetry at the local café. The choice:
1) A lumbering idiotic Neanderthal with six pack abs
2) A refined modern man who can loan you his pants in a pinch.
This my dear children, is a false dichotomy. Let me ‘splain.
For most of us, especially as we age, maintaining a really nice body is hard work. Letting your body deteriorate into limp noodles is easy. A consistently muscular body tells me that this stud has the discipline to set goals and live a consistent enough life to reach those goals. Discipline and drive are attractive. Hardly Neanderthal qualities.
–          If I care enough about someone to date or marry them, I want them to be around for a while. Exercising, unless taken to an excess, is healthy. A muscular man will be better able to protect me from bad guys and be useful (e.g. mow the lawn, chop wood shirtless (ow ow!), etc.) for a longer time, if he has muscles.
–          I have worked pretty hard and made sacrifices (oh the donuts that are still alive today because of my great discipline!) to be a lean mean machine. Yes, for shallow reasons – I like to oil my muscles and flex in front of a mirror for hours and hours – but it’s also just healthy (physically and mentally) and something I value in myself.  I would resent dating or marrying someone who couldn’t understand or support those goals. And the best situation would be someone who was an inspiration. We could spur each other on to better health and reaching new heights. Like literally, climb Mt. Everest together. Check out each other’s booties as we squat in unison at the gym. Make eyes at each other as we share a kale smoothie with two straws. Whatever.
So, now for the caveats.
–          Whether or not a guy has a nice body should not be the only or most important factor when you are considering whether or not to date him. All I’m saying is, it’s ok for it to be one factor of many.
–          To some weirdos, a muscular physique isn’t important at all. Fine, then WRITE YOUR OWN BLOG AND TELL US ALL ABOUT IT
–          There are many other things about a man’s looks aside from his degree of muscularity. Does he have dimples, a chiseled jaw, gleaming white teeth, eyes that sparkle only when they look at you, and a cleft chin? Oh, let us hope so. BUT, many of the points I’ve made only apply to physique, not genetic blessings of bone structure. So if you’re holding out for that cleft chin, you are shallow. Shame. Shame!!
–          Some men are strong and work out like beasts but don’t necessarily look very big, and some guys were just gifted with great bods. You know the type-  as long as they do two push-ups a week they look like Vin Diesel. Pfft okay. I’m talking in generalities. Again, a rockin’ bod shouldn’t necessarily be the first and foremost thing to consider. I just think it is worthy of factoring into an overall evaluation.
–          What I’m saying could apply to females too, although not for some of those features guys seem to value so dearly  — for example, a woman cannot do much naturally to change the size of her bosoms* while she is trying to stay healthy in other ways. The hour glass figure is just not something that all women can attain, sans plastic surgery. So if you’re a guy reading this, getting offended, and ready to angrily demand, “How would you like it if a guy had this attitude about female’s bodies?!” I’d say, “Calm down, Charlie Brown.” I think it would be perfectly reasonable for a strong muscular man to want a sleek tigress. To disqualify a woman because she’s not the right cup size… well that is indeed a bit shallow, because it has nothing to do with her character. Shame. Shame!!
In toto, I like men with muscles. Because I value health, drive, and self-discipline. And man bosoms are unseemly.
—- EDITORIAL NOTE —
*#galloblog is safe for the whole family
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2 thoughts on “I like big guns and I cannot lie

  1. Its a great and funny blog. You almost lost me at: Prius-driving gentleman. I don’t know any real men who drive a Prius. I think they have support groups for whipped men foraced to drive it as the family car.
    I support your preferences and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just as I love a smart and fit woman, you can love your Adonis. I want a girl in short skirt and a lonnnnnnnggg jacket!
    Cheers to your new blog. Digging it! Keep’em coming!
    Here’s to protein shakes, dead lifts and benching your body weight! Now back to your regularly scheduled cardio, already in progress.

    Liked by 1 person

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