There is a ritual in my home. It is constant as the tides, intricate as the shifting of winds, as majestic and mysterious as Chris Hemsworth’s hair. It is the process of my dog Bear getting on the couch.
It begins with the The Look. Sarah McLachan would weep to see Bear in the throes of cushion depravation. He rests his chin on the sofa and casts the Gaze of Supplication towards me. I respond, “C’mon up, buddy.” He considers, then turns to my husband, seated next to me. Bear’s body language suggests he will need written authorization from all parties currently occupying the couch.
It is important to stop here and note that Bear is – and has always been – allowed on the sofa. At no point in his life has he gotten in trouble for getting onto our furniture. Regardless, he watches my husband anxiously for a sign of acceptance. Once that is attained, he lifts his chin, hesitates, then puts it back down. Thus begins The Encouraging.
The Encouraging starts with one of us slapping the sofa cushion and saying, “Up!” Bear is unconvinced. We tuck our feet, move cushions, and clear off any item that Bear may see as obstructing his way up. His eyes accuse our callous indifference to his plight. He remains on the floor. Then comes the freestyle phase. We pat the cushion while chanting “BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR” in unison, mixing in an occasional “Up!” and slap to Bear’s rump. The key here is enthusiasm. When perfectly executed, the chanting and pounding of cushions steadily increases in volume and tempo until at the crescendo Bear’s ears prick forward, he sweeps his tail in the Wag of Acceptance, and leaps up to his rightful place.
However, Bear also enjoys a variation of our ritual called the False Start. When The Encouraging has reached fever pitch and the sofa is quaking from the fury of our blows, his ears prick forward. He shifts his weight forward. His muscles tense. And he walks off, sits down and scratches his ear. This constitutes a reset, and the ritual begins anew.
With or without the variation, it all ends with Bear sprawled across the couch, taking up more space than me and my husband combined, cheeks puffing and making little puppy woofs while he dreams of apprehending squirrels.
Routines and rituals fill our lives. Some are mindless. Some are harmful. Some are holy. Some are necessary structure, like brushing your teeth. And some are just there to make you smile every day. It’s helpful to occasionally think about our patterns, so we can strengthen the good, change the bad, and appreciate the absurdities that bring us joy.
[By “secret” I really mean “underappreciated” or “overlooked” but one must sacrifice perspicuity on the altar of catchy titles!]
I have now been in academia longer than I have been in any other professional setting. I’m sure this is common in many industries and organizations, but academics love to complain-brag (e.g. Omg I haven’t slept for 72 hours to finish this grant.. you all should be super impressed and feel super sorry for me!). We are especially apt to feel bitter that despite our 17,325 years of education, most of us don’t make *that* much money. And I won’t lie, I often add my voice to the belly-aching chorus… because who doesn’t enjoy a good-old fashion commiseration session?
BUT I must say that now that I am contemplating leaving academia, I am reminded how good the highly educated and underpaid nerdlesons have it compared to many many peoples.
How doth academia benefit thee? Let me count the ways…
Working with smart, passionate people
Many careers are filled with overly ambitious, cut-throat peoples, but I would wager many fields are not filled with people who genuinely love what they’re doing and like their work for its own sake – not just the pay or the recognition. Most of the professors with the most prestige will tell you that at the end of the day, they just find their research neat-o. It is also really great to have undergraduates working for you – usually for free – that are highly motivated and probably smarter than you in so many ways. No crippling apathy here!
Flexibility
This one is probably my favorite. I have almost always been able to make my own schedule. If I want to be in at 7:30 am and leave at 3:30 pm, that’s fine. If I want to be in at 10 am and leave at 630 pm, that’s fine too. If I want to work from home and do data analysis all day – no one blinks an eye. When it’s time for vacation, most people say just say “Yo, I’m not going to be in lab these 3 weeks because I need to find myself and connect with nature.” and your advisor says “Word.” Usually no one cares as long as you’re getting your work done. It is incredibly nice not to be viewed as a slimy little worm who is trying to get away with the least amount of work. At least in the academic jobs I’ve had, you are treated like an adult.
Job security
It is difficult to get fired in academia. You can be a miserable failure and the most your advisor will really do is write a lackluster letter of recommendation for your next position. I think you would have to do something that was seriously unethical to get fired, but failing continuously is probably not enough. It doesn’t serve you well in the long run to be unproductive, of course.. but you will at least be paid while you figure out your next career move.
Street cred
You know when you’re trying to make small talk at a party and you ask a stranger, “So what do you do?” and they say “I’m a technical writer,” and you say “Cool!” *chirp chirp* Not so with academic positions. People are usually interested in your thesis or research, and you can usually entertain them with sharing your interest in the field and what you hope to accomplish. It’s not usual to have a job that intrigues a lot of people and makes them automatically think you are super smart, even if your only other interaction with them was to praise the hummus.
Inclusivity
Once you get past admissions, I really don’t think academia cares about your demographics that much (of course there are fellowships and grants for those who identify as a member of a group underrepresented in science, but it can only take you so far). There are no headshots to turn in with your manuscript when you submit for publication. You can identify as a banana or the be the ugliest person on earth, but academia doesn’t care. Just do good research, and a place will be prepared for you. It’s a meritocracy if there ever was one.
Bad fashion sense highly tolerated
I’m not sure if I would go so far to say that being a snappy dresser will hurt you in academia, but it truly doesn’t help. If anything, some of the people wearing the most egregious – whether that be flamboyant or downright geeky – outfits are senior professors. Wearing a suit in lab is not only impractical, it will probably be seen as an ineffective attempt to cover your own incompetency. So throw on a pair of sweats and a ironic tee and get to pipetting.
Mentoring
In no other field is there such a built in culture of the person in the highest position taking an invested interest in helping the people working for them reach their career goals — whatever those might be. That is truly extraordinary. My advisor gets no benefit – either financially or research-wise – in helping me secure a job outside of academia. Yet he is seriously committed to helping me get there if that’s what I decide to do. Imagine your manager taking responsibility to help give you the skills and experience you need to move on to a better job at a different company! Unheard of.
Benefits
Usually the health insurance is pretty legit. At least at my University, the retirement plan is very generous. You get access to a huge online library of journals for every topic you could possibly be interested in (just for reference, most published journal articles that I see are $35 a pop). You usually get a free or highly discounted membership to a gym that’s at least adequate. There are tons of talks with free foods. Little things all together, but nice.
In toto— If you are in academia, put a pause on your belly aching and take time to appreciate the fun little perks of your position. If you are outside academia, maybe ponder the positive aspects of your job.. and if there aren’t any… come over to the dark side of academia!
There are several Oprah-esque sayings that are floating around —
“You have to take care of number one before you can take care of anyone else!”
“Treat yoself!”
“If you don’t love yourself you can’t love anyone else.”
We all know this gif was 100% obligatory
–For the sake of conciseness, I’m going to use Treat Yoself to encapsulate all
of these self-affirming ideologies–
Part of me thinks this inspirational folk wisdomry in Treat Yoself is a
bucket of rat poo. My main problem with the self-love bonanza is related to the
context in which these statements are uttered, more than the actual statements
themselves. Usually they are said to encourage people to be selfish or
indulgent. I can only speak for myself, but I do not know anyone who is so caught up in being selfless and sacrificial that
they somehow neglect themselves.* I would argue that most people need to hear
“Sure take care of yourself, but why doncha try caring for others,” or “Treat
(people less fortunate than) yoself!” or “Try to love… or at least consider the
feelings and wants of… someone besides
yourself.”
My second sub-issue with the Treat Yoself mentality is that treating yourself in terms of indulgence isn’t really a treat for you in the long run. Most people want to have nice bodies that function well, but if they continuously “treat themselves” with McDonald’s fries and Starbucks frapaccinos and refuse to move their body in any way that gives it strength, speed, or flexibility, their bodies will soon become… something that doesn’t spark joy. Most people want to have the treat of traveling the world, but if they continuously live above their means and treat themselves with expensive food, entertainment, cars, etc. in the domestic realm, poofity goes the treat of travel.
My third and final irritation with Treat Yoself is a little more specific to
Christians, although I don’t think you necessarily have to ascribe to the
apostle’s creed to get something out of this. Jesus did not prance about ancient
Israel proclaiming a new covenant of self-love. If anything, the level of self-sacrifice
he and many of his disciples demonstrated is plum terrifying. Remember Luke 9- “foxes have holes and the birds of the
air have nests, but the Son of Man [Jesus] has nowhere to lay His head.”
Or Luke 17 “Whoever seeks
to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.”
Or how about the sobering Mathew 10 warning “Beware of men, for they will deliver you over to courts and
flog you in their synagogues, and
you will be dragged before governors and kings for my sake, to bear witness
before them…” And these are only what Jesus said, but when you
consider what he did…! I have serious doubts that Jesus was contemplating a
bubble bath and wine in the Garden of Gethsemane, and there is nothing less Treat
Yoself in all of history than a man dying for people who hated and
misunderstood him.
So, my beef with Treat Yoself is that 1) it doesn’t seem necessary, given the deep self-indulgence and entitlement that most of us already have and 2) temporary treats often undermine long-term treats (which may or may not be more wholesome in nature because involve dreaming, scheming, and the real longings of your heart–not simply the capricious whims of your body and immediate longings) and 3) it doesn’t seem particularly “on message” with people who are presumably interested in modeling the radically sacrificial nature of Jesus.
Yet! Part of me sees some truth glimmering through all that rat poo.
The major reason I haven’t completely dismissed Treat Yoself is largely related to mental health and margin**. Let’s take even a light example – being stressed out. When I am stressed, I don’t “see” other people or take particular interest in their needs. I am thinking of whatever is stressing me out, and how to make myself feel better during the stressful time. That means I refuse to think about hard or important questions, and dissipation becomes my goal. I avoid people who are also stressed out because their stresses suck my mind further into a cesspool of anxiety. How can I be a rock for someone when I’m crumbling? Instead of having interesting and joyful conversations with my friends and family, I hijack quality time by dumping my stress on whichever poor soul was unfortunate enough to spend time with me.
Thus, if spending time in nature, enjoying beautiful and lovely things, getting my toes painted happy colors, and reading lighthearted fiction can help reduce my stress to the point I can stop my navel-gazing long enough to look at other people… is that an indirect way to love others? I think it could be.
Where does that leave us, then? I think the key might be to Love Yoself, not Treat Yoself. Treating indicates indulgence. Love indicates more wholistic well-being. Think about a parent loving their child. Spoiling the child isn’t really love – spoiling a child is more indicative that the parent is too lazy to properly discipline, or too insecure to handle their child getting angry at them for rules that are meant to protect them. I think being an adult is learning how to parent yourself properly – love yourself, not spoil yourself. Be willing to deny your childish impulses so that you can be the person you actually want to be — and who the people around you need you to be.
The world needs adults, not petulant children. So Love Yoself 😊
— EDITORIAL NOTES —
*I do know some martyrs who make a big to-do of how they are ruining their lives for the sake of others… I do not consider that actual selflessness. It’s a twisted form of pride.
**Double points for sneaking in a Christian buzz word! BAM!
**Double points for sneaking in a
Christian buzz word! BAM!
You’ve heard some variation of this question, whether from someone you actually know or while watching some dramatic interaction on the telly. It’s usually a question that doesn’t really want a real answer. It’s typically asked to shame the other person more than anything else. The implicit assumption is that real love wouldn’t want or ask for someone to change anything about themselves.
I’m not sure if that’s true. Here is why.
You will change, guaranteed
As the renowned Timothy Keller points out in the Meaning of Marriage, you should never be so enamored by the person your partner is right now that you would be devastated if they ever change. Why? Because they definitely will. Experience changes us. Time changes us. Relationships change us! It’s inevitable.
You should want to change
Everyone has varying degrees of ickiness in themselves. Let’s take for example, me. I like myself. I think I’m pretty legit. Yet, I know I have flaws. My acknowledgment of my flaws doesn’t lead me to severe self-hatred, but I do want to tame or obliterate them depending on their severity.
People who love you should want you to change
My friends and family who support me in moving forward and becoming a better version of myself are good for me. I am thankful for them. Who wants a friend spitting out their tobacco and snarling “You think you’re better than us?” and resenting your growth? Not I, said the fly.
You cannot change everything about yourself
An important distinction in this entire Chat du Change is to strive for – and hope for, in others – changes that are actually possible and/or likely. I may not like that I can be overly emotional sometimes, but barring a drastic personality change I’m not likely to become a stoic anytime soon. BUT, I can still hope to change how much I am controlled by my wavepool of feels.
All that being said, I also know it’s foolish to enter into a relationship (romantic or otherwise) wanting and expecting someone to change in the exact way that I want — especially if that person shows no signs of wanting that change themselves. Or, even if they appreciate the idealized version of themselves, they are making little to no progress getting there.
[IMPORTANT ADDENDUM 04/12/19: I have had a few fellas that became very smitten with a version of Cgallo that wasn’t real. It’s a little delicate, but maybe the best scenario is to have clear double vision — the ability to see and love who someone is now, but also the ability to see, love, and support a future version of themselves that they see and want to become too. I think?! I ain’t no relationship therapist! ]
Altogether, I think what might be important is surrounding yourself with people who are excited for and encourage you to be the person you could and will probably turn into. Anddddd can put up with your flaws in the meantime. God bless ‘em!
I grew up in church. My family wasn’t just half-bootied Sunday morning service people, either. We did Sunday school AND Sunday night AND Wednesday night church, too ! #holy I’m glad we did, for many reasons. Most of my best friends growing up were from church. We knew everyone. People actually noticed when we went on vacation. There were several members – especially some older couples – who I know genuinely loved me and my family. Why else would Mr. Moreland always offer me a piece of red hot gum with a twinkle in his eye, or Mrs. Daugherty give me the bestest warm squishy hugs?
There were a few downsides to being raised in a fairly idyllic environment surrounded by amazing people. One of them was having a really hard time recognizing the weight of God’s grace. I remember having a true crisis when I was about 8, confessing to my mom with sincere guilt, “But I really can’t think of anyway that I’ve sinned!”*
Even now, having been through some shtuffs that definitelyyyy involved some less-than-spiritual-perfection, I have a really hard time not falling into a weird sort of good-girl legalism. This shows up the most when something I want is delayed or denied, while someone I have unconcsciously deigned more sinful than me** does get that thing. Absolutely infuriates me. I have to read Prodigal God by Tim Keller to get me to wind down. #thankyoutim
This entire ramble was inspired by this song I heard today, which is so entirely perfect for my type of barely-sinner*** heart that I must share.. I MUST !! Sometimes a gallo needs art – in this specific case, musicals – to express for her what she didn’t even know she wanted to express.
(Strongly recommend just listening)
Not in me by Eric Schumacher and David L. Ward
No list of sins I have not done, No list of virtues I pursue, No list of those I am not like Can earn myself a place with You. O God, be merciful to me– I am a sinner through and through! My only hope of righteousness Is not in me, but only You.
No humble dress, no fervent prayer, No lifted hands, no tearful song, No recitation of the truth Can justify a single wrong. My righteousness is Jesus’ life, My debt was paid by Jesus’ death, My weary load was borne by Him And He alone can give me rest.
No separation from the world, No work I do, no gift I give Can cleanse my conscience, cleanse my hands; I cannot cause my soul to live. But Jesus died and rose again– The power of death is overthrown! My God is merciful to me And merciful in Christ alone.
My righteousness is Jesus’ life, My debt was paid by Jesus’ death, My weary load was borne by Him And He alone can give me rest.
— EDITORIAL NOTES —
* THAT is no longer a problem…
**it’s okay if you lowkey or highkey hate me for this post. Keeping it real y’all
I do not like ministries, events, bible studies, parties, special gatherings, prayer meetings, small groups, etc. etc. etc. that are specific to women. They deeply irritate me. Porquoi?
I don’t have all that much in common with other women, anymore than I do with an arbitrary group of 29 year olds, brunettes, or lovers of poke bowls
Men do not intimidate me or make me uncomfortable. I do not have better conversations without men. I like that they think differently, especially about matters of faith. I have found mixed-sex discussions are richer, not stilted.
I understand that many women struggle with issues of self-worth and have painful pasts that involve exploitation. My heart goes out to them – truly. That being said, it seems like many women’s ministries focus almost exclusively on women like this, and ignore women like me whose struggle is more about figuring out how to live a meaningful life with integrity as a professional.
I also understand that many women are married and have kids. That is gucci gang. BUT similar to point 3, I am not. And I wouldn’t say getting married and having kids is my ultimate life goal.* So I also don’t get a lot from hearing exclusively from women who are trying to figure out how to be wives and moms. Not that I can’t be friends with these women or learn from them, but I don’t need an entire event centered around hearing from and connecting with women who I have almost nothing in common with. I have even less in common with them in life situation and specific faith struggles than I do with say.. a 34 year old dude who is an electrical engineer. It would make more sense for me to have a specific event for Nerdy Upper 20s Who are Functional but are Feeling a Little Lost in Life.
Women’s ministry events often include horrid assumptions about what sort of woman I am and what I like. “Aaaaaaaaaaand we’re giving away a $500 Anthropologie gift card!” *crowd goes wild* *Cgallo goes into a silent white rage* Seriously, I’ve never had more sexist silly assumptions made about me (e.g. “OMG I live for shopping!!!!! I remortgaged my house to buy this purse!”) than at a women’s ministry event.
Last but not least, y’all – it’s the names of the groups and events. What in Beth Moore is going on? Are we studying the bible, or getting facials? Who can tell?
Let me show you a series of real logos from actual women’s ministries or actual spas – doctored only to remove the “giveaway” words. Which do you think are women ministries, and which do you think are spas?
#1#2#3#4#5
Soooo what do you think? The odd numbers are women’s ministries and the even numbers are spas? WRONG. These are all women ministries! What?!
Okay okay, let’s try again.
#6#7#8#9#10
I know what you’re all thinking… “We’re on to you, CGallo! Those are all women’s ministries AGAIN!” Well guess what suckerzzzz, yer wrong, all wrong! #6-10 are all spas in Atlanta or NYC! What?!!
The takeaway of this post.. I think? .. is this proposal — ladies let’s just skip women ministry events and hit the spa because both are about women empowerment and feeling better about yourself and being in man-free zones and girl talk and faint spiritual undertones and strong plant-life overtones. Woooo! Let’s do it!
-Gallojuvenation
— EDITORIAL NOTES — * I would rather meet someone and love them so much that I can’t stand not being married to them, not so much “I MUST get married and have 5 kids before age 35!” because THAT specific boat for this gal has not just sailed but sunk around age 26. ANYWAY
Have you ever been accused of stalking , but thought “That’s ridiculous! I’m totes norms! I have friends! Plus, deep down the object of my stalking really enjoys my attention!”
But then… At 11:27 a.m. on a Thursday… when the sloppy ignorant bliss of weed and alcohol has faded into sober introspection, a teeny part of you wonders, “Gee willickers, am I a stalker??”
As a doctor of philosophy in psychology, I know that these conflicting thoughts can cause great monostress* and distress. Never one to leave persons from marginalized groups without resources for empowerment, I have chosen to share my profound wisdom and support for anyone with niggling doubts about their stalker status.
You are likely a stalker if 2 or more of these apply to you…
The person has blocked you from any / all routes of contact (Facebook, instagram, texting, etc.)
Your friends have expressed – verbally, through uncomfortable body language, or marked silence – their discomfort with your behavior regarding the potentially stalked person
You have asked yourself, “Could this be seen as stalking?”
You wouldn’t want to share with anyone your “process” in contacting / pursuing this person
You “coincidentally” become involved in every open social group they are a part of
The person you are contacting never reaches out to you
You own a pair of binoculars
You have to pick leaves out of your hair after you see them
When you see them they don’t always see you
You are definitely a stalker if any one of these apply to you…
The person has directly or indirectly given all indications they do not want to speak to, hear from, or see you again, and you continue contacting them.
Still confused not sure where you stand? It may be worth a trip across the pond to find out…
Absolutely certain you are not a stalker, but a stalking victim? You don’t have to face it alone!
Now let’s get out there and kick stalking in the nards!
— EDITORIAL NOTES —
*this should be a word, so I’m going to claim it ! 💃
General: Because I have been the receiver of unwanted attention on multiple occasions from multiple peoples, I’m just here to give a claireion call to both parties. #selfless #amazing #magnanimatic**
Wowsers! Is it legit? Is it a bunch of psychological mumbo jumbo? Does it have ties to satanic cults? Who cares! Never one to have a strong voice on controversial topics*, C Gallo is here to exploit the obsession with the enneagram for her own needs.** So for all of your extreme pleasure and to fuel the craze, please see my below recommendations of Galloblog posts according to each enneagram type! Note: I based all of this according the brief summaries of each type provided by the enneagram institute.
Type 1: The Reformer
Basic Fear: Of being corrupt/evil, defective
Basic Desire: To be good, to have integrity, to be balanced
Ima try to say my piece and not get into too much trouble.
I know it’s easy to get grumpy about all the different shenanigans on social media, and I try not to let myself get dragged down into the mud. As a side note, if you are continuously annoyed by 80% of everything you see on social media, you may just not like people.
HOWEVER
There is one behavior on social media lately that I must raise my voice in protest.
These are pregocative [ˈpre’gäkədiv] photos.
I do think that pregnancy and motherhood are beautiful, in like a warm lovely way.. not a steamy hot way. I hope that whoever knocked up these women in the first place continues to find them insanely attractive and is not turned off by their changing bodies. But… I don’t necessarily think pregnancy and motherhood should be sexy… at least not the general public. Why do you need the world to see your enhanced cleavage looming over your enlarged belly? Let *some* things be intimate and private, for the love of all that is decent!
And while I’m on the subject, selfies of you and your baby/child that are obviously 100% motivated by showing the world your sexiness is just as inappropro.. Send those selfies to your baby daddy/mama or SO and let the single available ladies and gent shine, yeah?
What did our moms used to tell us.. if ain’t for sale, don’t advertise?
The last time I had a really bad breakup, people kept telling me “It wasn’t a waste as long you learned something from it.” I say this with full love in my heart for these people, but a week after a breakup is not a good time to hear this. I would think with great bitterness and characteristic drama, “Oh, so to learn that I’m unlovable, all I have to do is put myself through a heart-pulverizing breakup – fantastic.”
As time dribbles on, however, one does gain some perspective. Our minds sort of force us to learn something. Sometimes the learnt info is useful and helps us become a better person / partner… *BUT* I have learned that you can learn the wrong things and draw the wrong conclusions from your own experiences.
What not to Learn
I think one of the most natural things to learn from a past relationship is signs and cues that whoever you’re dating is going to hurt you. You learned that his long delays between texts meant he was losing interest, or her need for “alone time” was really her need for cheaty-cheat times. It is all too easy to transfer that knowledge – of what that speific action for that specific person meant for your past relationship in that specific moment in time – to a new relationship. So if he takes a while to respond to a text or she turns down a Friday dinner to reportedly read Brandon Sanderson in her apartment, it’s easy to think “Welp, let me cut my losses early and move on before this all-too-familiar and way-too-painful scenario plays out again. I ain’t no fool!”
While there are probably some general signs and cues someone is being a shady dickwad, I think this sort of learntedness is more likely to sabotage potentially healthy relationships than protect your lil ticker.
Jo-Jo’s delays between texts may have meant he was not that into you, but Captain Wonderful’s delays between texts may mean he is working at his job with integrity and turned off his phone so he wouldn’t be tempted to text you every five minutes. Amber’s alone time might have been a cover-up for her skanky side hustles, but Classy Clairice’s alone time might be a sign that she knows and takes care of herself.
Let me also interject, if I may,* that it can be a very dangerous game to discuss your significant other’s behavior with other people. Because just as people are prone to inappropriately generalize their past experiences to ruin their own relationships, they are equally prone to inappaoprirately generalize their past experiences and unintentionally ruin your relationships. So don’t let your best friend’s experience with a McDouche give you a frantic paranoia about your current partner. This can happen in like manner —
You (unconcernedly): “Yeah, Captain Wonderful and I haven’t been texting as much lately.”
Your best friend: “Oh no. I remember when I was dating McDouche, he started texting me less when he was pursuing another woman.”
You (concernedly:
What to Learn
I think what has been helpful to me is to learn what you can “deal with,” and what you can’t. What’s a deal breaker, and what’s not. Think about your own role in things souring, and how you could do things differently.
Par example —
You may have always loved country music. Maybe Jo-Jo hates country music, and never wanted to go to concerts with you. When you and Jo-Jo were dating, that drove you crazy. So you can learn that country music concert attending is a really big deal to you.
As for your own role, this is much harder and annoying to do. But you can learn that in the past you were too uncomfortable with relationship ambiguity early in the relationship. You picked apart and over-analyzed the relationship so much that it snuffed out its ability to develop organically. So you can learn to relax and enjoy the flirty texts and awkward silliness of a budding relationship without constantly pulling the relationship emergency break to have a long, drawn out convo about how, where, why your relationship is going.
So sure, learn — but learn the right stuff! RESIST PARANOIA !
galloblog 