It has come to my attention that I have no chill. Especially when it comes to social media. I want to post every hilarious* thought I have. I want to document every good hair day with a tasteful selfie. I want to share every inspirational quote that bolsters my spirits. I want to declare my eternal love to my family members on the reg. I want to share all the beauty I come across in my otherwise very ugly day**. I refer to myself as Galloswag. Galloswag!! No. chill.
If you’ve read any of my other posts.. or you’re my fb friend or follow me on ig… you’re probably thinking, “Tell me something I don’t know, sister.” yeah yeah yeah. But what you may *not* know is that almost every time I post something, I’m filled with self-loathing.
Srsly. I genuinely admire people who barely use social media. There’s something just.. cool.. about someone who can get a promotion or go to a lit concert or win free tickets on the radio and *not* feel compelled to make sure everyone remotely connected to them knows about it.
I always assume people with social media chill aren’t posting much because their lives are so gangster they don’t have time to bother with us low-lifes who are posting a filtered picture of a misshapen green bean that came out of their can at lunch.
So anyway. I say all this because — in my typically non-chill fashion — I feel the need to declare to you all that I’m going to try to be more chill. Leave a little mystery to my life. If I’m overhwhelmed by the hilarity of my own thoughts, I will text it to someone specific. Or, just treasure in my own heart how funny I am. Same with my accomplishments.. good hair days etc…. all of that stuff just suddenly seems… like none of your bus-nass.
Alsooooo, begging a friend to be my designated “keeper of the fb pw” has greatly reduced my obsessive-compulsive fb checking / posting. So if you want to jump on the chill surf board, I suggest relinquishing control of your social media accounts for a while to give yerself a chance to “reset.”
Aren’t I cool rn??? You don’t even have to answer. I don’t need you, interweb world! HA!
Forever yours– even tho I’m cooler than you,
— EDITORIAL NOTES —
*Hilarious to me. I realize some of you may think my jokes are lame. I say to you then: UNFRIEND ME RN YOU SOULLESS HUMORLESS OGRE
**Srsly, y’all should see what I do for my day job. Nm, you really shouldn’t. Especially if you work for PETA. O_O