galloblog

How [Chronically] Single Men Sabotage Themselves

Are you male? Are you single? Do you wish you weren’t? Does your mom frequently look at you with sorrow and wonder why women aren’t falling at your feet? Do most of your romantic ventures fizzle out over an awkward series of awkward text messages?

If you answered yes to most of the questions above, it’s likely that you are sabotaging yourself with foolish dating practices.
If you answered yes to most of the questions above, it’s likely that you are sabotaging yourself with foolish dating practices. …

If you answered yes to most of the questions above, it’s likely that you are sabotaging yourself with foolish dating practices. I have smashed together a few #gallotips for you luckless would-be lovers.

[Please know that I’m actually not trying to be condescending. This is written for the solid guys out there who may not realize that they’re doing stupid crap to make women think that they are lamé.*]

You never ask the woman about herself or what she thinks

This past summer I was super excited that one of my really close friends grabbed dinner with a mutual friend who truly is a very kind, smart, good guy. When I nosily asked how it went, I was aghast when I found out that she was severely underwhelmed because the dude talked about himself the entire time. For perspective, this lady is a super smart, gorgeous assistant professor who travels the world for her work. When she’s local, she’s directing really important, ground-breaking research. THERE IS SO MUCH TO TALK TO HER ABOUT. I truly don’t understand – even if you’re not an expert in her field, please at least attempt to understand what she does. Or how/why she got into it. Don’t think that your ignorance about something will make you seem like a jerk-face – the only thing that will make you look like a jerk-face is if you’re unwilling to broach subjects you can’t mansplain.

An extension of this is just asking the lady what she thinks about .. stuff. Whether it be politics, her input on your most recent conspiracy theory, the unstoppable rise of Justin Bieber… whatever. AND – this is important – actually listen to her answers. Don’t spend the time she’s talking to formulate your next brilliant monologue.

You are emphasizing all the wrong stuff about yourself

I’m truly not saying this to burst your bubble, but if the lady you are dating is over 18 and doesn’t live in Nowhere, Idaho, chances are that she knows plenty of men who are just as – if not more – intelligent, rich, charming, or attractive than you. Don’t be surprised if she is underwhelmed by your ‘stats’. Before you get huffy and depressed, I’ll let you in on a secret – you can really set yourself apart by having good character. Try not taking 36 hours to respond to her text messages, keeping your word and showing up on time, paying attention to what she likes, plan thoughtful dates, etc. Sometimes men are all-to- eager to brag about their promotion at work, when women (at least, my friends and I) care more about whether we can count on you. When I was 19, a guy I was dating brought me coffee while I was studying. Not just any coffee, but a coffee with a splash of cream and two raw sugars, which is how I took it at the time. Even though this obviously didn’t end up in lifelong bliss, 8 years later I remember it and I still say “Bravo, good sir.” The point is, your character – usually displayed in the consistent, small ways you treat us and live your life – matter more than your 2 advanced degrees, 6 digit salary, six-pack abs, or whatever your point of pride happens to be.

You plan dates that do not give you a chance to shine

Some of you are a bit shy or awkward over a dinner date. The idea of making charming conversation for 2 hours over dinner makes you want to pass out or hang yourself. Fine! I say – do something completely different! Do something that lets your sweet unique little personality shine. Think outside the box. One of my friend’s favorite dates was when this guy taught her how to do a J-turn with her classic muscle car. Granted, not exactly my cup of tea – but she loved it. If you’re shy AND don’t have the stereotypical manly-man skills, do something like find a piano somewhere and teach her how to play a simple duet with you. I don’t know! I CAN’T FIX YOUR LIFE! *anyway* If the standard date-scene makes you shrivel up like a sad little kumqat in the desert, then plan something where you can roar with love like the magnificent beast we all know you are.

You are creepily romantic too soon

This one may be more specific to yours truly, but I cannot *STAND* it when someone who barely knows me tries to act like he is deeply in love with me. I immediately assume that he is either 1) emotionally unstable 2) trying to manipulate me. Forced, false intimacy is icky. It’s okay to take some time to just enjoy each other’s company without over-romanticizing. You can be warm, open, sweet, and all that great stuff without picking out a song on your ukelele that you wrote for her based off of her.. FB profile. Galloswag says, “Just be cool.”

There you have it. You’re welcome men! You can thank me when YOU’RE MARRIED because this advice was like pure gold poured straight into your mind. Please send me your personal success stories so we can go on Ellen together to promote my new book in press “Just Be Cool: Gallotips on how to not be a jerk-face when you date.”

— Editorial Notes —

* I get the irony. A cozily single 27 year old woman lecturing men about dating. Before you dismiss me and return to your vile daily activities, I’d like to argue that I’m actually far more qualified to comment on this than you’d think. Consider the following, s’il vous plait:

1) Being a sassy old maid, I’ve been on a lot more (bad) dates in current times that someone our age who settled down when they were 21. Sassy old maids also tend to cluster together and share our pathetic, hilarious, sorrowful bad date stories. Thus, I have so much material to coalesce into common themes.

2) I’m giving advice to men, not women. I’ve never been on a date with a woman so I can’t tell you from experience what the big turn offs are. Men, feel free to share your woes with me and I might just be inspired to lecture women on your behalf (As a side note, if I had any rays of insight on the woman side of things I would already be the trophy wife of a rich philanthropist with beautiful guns (both meanings apply) and a personal study that smells like mahogany and is chock-full of Tim Keller books.. and I’d be too busy opening joint checking accounts and making babies to write this darling little blog.)

3) Sad as it may be, my single lady friends and I are just the type of women that are still out there. The techniques your married male friends used to woo their current wives in high school and college ain’t gonna work with slightly jaded, highly-independent workin’ women. Just sayin’.

Dear Writers of Open Letters: Stop being condescending jerk faces

Whenever you think about sharing an open letter — except this one because it’s brilliant — save yourself the self-satisfaction and share a cute cat meme instead.

Last week as I logged onto Facebook and began to scroll through my feed, I saw that one of my evolved white friends shared a post that began with the title “Dear White People..” Being of the Caucasian Persuasion, I squeeled with excitement that someone had a special word for my entire race. As I read through it, I was overwhelmed with how this wise college sophomore understands how to resolve race relations… AND was kind enough to jot out a special note for all 250 million white people in the U.S. “Hmm.. DON’T fly the Confederate flag you say? Interesting..” I murmured as I dutifully made notes. Now, I frequently whip them out before I interact with anyone who doesn’t identify as white, and gee have they helped! Since I stopped trying to relate my struggles with being the only female in my city without a hombre and soft curls to my friend’s struggle growing up black in the South, our convos have gone so much more smoothly. Thanks, author of the Dear White People post!

… in case you’re one of those people who is slow to pick up tone from written word, the paragraph above was written in the key of sarcasm. Listen, I get it. It’s frustrating when you have all the answers and know how an entire group- whether it be Christians, Clinton voters, men, BLM activists, millenials, or alpaca groomers- should behave. Kudos to you for figuring it all out. But you may want to consider the fact that no one is going to be won over by a condescending post that is being shared among an echo-chamber of friends who already agree with the content of the letter anyway. Even if you have a diverse group of fb friends, trust the Galloswag – if they haven’t already unfollowed you, they’re still going to ignore or be offended by your post.

Whenever you think about sharing an open letter — except this one because it’s brilliant — save yourself the self-satisfaction and share a cute cat meme instead. Let’s make Facebook great again and go back to poking each other, complaining about work and school, and openly flirting on each other’s walls.

Love,

The Galloswag

The swag of Gallo! (Fashion Guide)

Dressing the Galloswag is a fine, sophisticated, subtle art.

This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I consider myself a bit of a fashionista. What may seem sloppy to the untrained eye is actually the result of careful deliberation. Dressing the Galloswag is a fine, sophisticated, subtle art. Because I am a generous person who is always thinking of ways to benefit society, I have decided to share my fabulous fashion secrets. These three overarching principles put the #swag in my #gallo: Comfy, Consistent, and Comical.

Comfy

Whether it be pants fit for yoga-ing, soft hoodies that are wearable blankies, or shorts that ride the tantalizing edge between gym-wear and sleep-wear, comfy is key (dare I say.. comkey?!). If you’re not sure where to start, I recommend beginning each morning by examining your pj’d self with a loving but critical eye. Then ask yourself “What are the most minor changes I can make so I can go out in public and not get arrested?” Then proceed accordingly. If you find yourself reaching for that button-down blouse, talk yourself off that stiff, uncomfortable cliff! As the wise and wonderful Christina Aguilera said in Season 5 (?) of NBC’s The Voice, “pick your moments.” Save those fancy shirts for future events where you really want to make an impression, like your ex’s wedding.

Consistent

I simply cannot emphasize this enough: variety in clothing reeks of privilege. Yeah, I said it. Look, some of us are poor. And picky. And hate shopping. When I find a style of clothing that works for me, I buy as many different [solid] colors of that clothing item as I can. That way, people are never quite sure if I’m actually re-wearing the same orange shorts I was wearing yesterday, or if I’m playing with their minds by selecting a softer, genteel peachy-orange. I’ll let you in on a dark secret: sometimes it’s the same thing I was wearing the day before!

Take note: pit stains are nothing to be ashamed about. They tell a story. A story like, “I have worn this short a lot, and I have sweat in this shirt a lot.” Wow, great story.

Another way of thinking about consistency is across time. People like predictability- it makes them feel safe. I’m committed to creating and maintaining safe spaces. That is why I [figuratively] stretch my clothing across years. Just browse through my Facebook pictures, and you will see my favorites over, and over, and over again. One of my proudest items of clothing is this marvelous black tank-top, featured above. Making its debut in 2011, this tank top has graced the body of Galloswag for six years straight. Yes, the year numbers were placed strategically, because YOU WILL NOT GET CHEAP THRILLS FROM READING GALLOBLOG!!!

Comical

What is clothing, really, except to make us lolz? Don’t answer that. This is the third and most important way I express myself through fashion. Halloween socks? Although scurry, they make me giggle. Telling the world I love tacos? Hilair. Elmo shirt – ridiculous, and also silky! Garfield pj’s AND doggy slippers? So absurdly tacky I can’t help but cackle every time I pass a mirror. Life can be bleak, and so many issues need to be taken seriously. Your personal fashion is not one of them. Give it a try!

I hope the Triple C’s of fashion was as inspiring to read as it was to write. C’mon folks, let’s all join hands and gather around a new fashion. A fashion for all people: Comfy! Consistent! Comical!

Irks and quirks (#5 is probably genius though)

When it all comes down to it, we’re all a bunch of weirdos.

When it all comes down to it, we’re all a bunch of weirdos. But everyone thinks that their oddities are especially odd. As a special and unique treat to all 7 of my regular readers, I’m going to share a few irks and quirks of my own. Oh no, please.. please. Don’t paint me as a brave hero. It’s really a win-win for me. If you don’t identify, I will feel like a rare gem of beautiful eccentricity. If you do identify, we can be besties for life.

Wet Tupperware

When I unload the dishwasher, those stupid Glad dishes or whatever that have these horrible droplets of water on them drives me CRAZY! Handling those dishes – attempting to dry them with a damp towel especially – is psychologically torturous to me. One of my goals in life is to have all glass/ceramic dishes. Cuz Ima fancy gurl.

Numbers that can’t be divided by 3

This may be the nerdiest quirk. A long time ago, I learned that if the sum of the individual numbers of a multi-digit number can be divided by 3, then that number can be divided by 3, too. For example, 8079 can be divided by 3 because (8+0+7+9=24), and 24 can be divided by 3. Thus to me, 8079 is a cool kid. But a number like 4691 is lame. When I’m driving I automatically add up the numbers on license plates and mailbox numbers to see if they’re cool. If they’re not cool, then I think about the smallest alterations needed to make them cool. Like stupid 4691 could be promoted to 4692, and voila! my brain is happy again.

Microwave beeps

This is not just at 3a.m. – I hate the stupid, obnoxiously loud and persistent beeps of a microwave. What is that microwave afraid of happening? My food will get cold again? Okay, fine. That’s my problem and then I’ll just re-heat my re-heated food. Nothing is going to catch on fire so please relax, microwave. I take distinct pleasure in stopping the microwaving at 1 sec to prevent its stupid chirping. Aha! I beat you again, self-important kitchen appliance!

Food containers with less than one serving of food in them

They’re horrible. They’re just sitting in there, begging to be eaten so I can throw away that idiotic, empty container. The quickest way to make me obese would be to fill my fridge with containers that all had 80% of a full serving left in them. I would angrily devour them all, out of principle.

Life (sometimes)

Life doesn’t always go the way I want it to. Or, I really want something that isn’t likely to happen. It can be helpful to sit down and write out what I wished had happen or want to happen, in all of its absurdly-unrealistic glory. For example –

…To Claire’s astonishment, Jo-Jo was standing at the door with flowers in his hands. “Claire, I’ve been thinking… and I agree that I never should have questioned your food choices. You can have as many kale acai smoothies as you want. I just want to be with you and read aloud Tim Keller books as you eat an entire jar of almond butter. Take me back, Claire Bear! ”

Is this stupid and cheesy? Absolutely (and no, I never broke up with someone over smoothies. I don’t even really drink smoothies. #sugarbombs But this is a humorified version of the sort of thing I have written before). But sometimes the stupidity and cheesiness actually helps me move on, because I realize what I want(ed) to happen will never happen. There’s also a part of me that really enjoys creating a sub-reality in which things go down the way I want. There’s probably a bit of egomania in that… but if you tell me so, I’ll just write a story about how I went on Oprah to explain this amazing technique and she gave me a free car. BOOM

These are just a few of my quirks and irks. Now you understand why my blog posts are so weird. There’s some strange stuff going on in the #gallonoggin’. And please.. share your oddities with the world. It will at least make everyone else feel a leetle more sane. 😀

I wish you all a life of discomfort and unease

If you are never uncomfortable, your body and soul will shrivel.

I used to spend a large portion of my life avoiding situations and people who made me feel uncomfortable. For a while I was pretty successful, but I also succeeded at crafting a blank life. Now I don’t exactly enjoy the discomfort, but I accept it. My sage #gallowadvice to you all is to stop avoiding uncomfortable situations. If you are never uncomfortable, your body and soul will shrivel. Here are some examples from my own life.

Strength Training / Running

My body prefers to sit on a soft cushiony couch, in air conditioning. On the other hand, running until I feel like my heart is going to explode or lifting a weight even when my muscles are shaking is suck-y. But it makes me better. It enables me to do the things I really enjoy, like hiking. It helps me help other people, like by helping a friend move. It helps me live longer so I can continue blessing the world with my existence, like by writing brilliant nonsense for 10 people to enjoy each week. Exercise is uncomfortable, but it is confidence boosting, gives me more energy, opens up new opportunities for me to enjoy life, and keeps me around longer (lucky you). Most importantly, it makes me a sleek tigress.

Public Speaking

My anxiety around public speaking used to be really, really severe. When I was in college and the professor of a class wanted us to go around the room and introduce ourselves, I would hide in the bathroom until I was sure enough time had passed that we would have moved on to a different activity. Even now, I get pretty worked up about any speaking engagement, whether it’s to a group of five faculty or giving a guest lecture to 150 bored undergrads. I sweat, listen to Eye of the Tiger, and do push-ups in my office to use up my wild nervous energy. Yet, almost every speaking engagement I’ve had in the past 3 years or so has been really successful. Presentations on my research are good for my career. Leading a discussion or giving a lecture can be confidence boosting. My audiences almost always give me overwhelmingly positive feedback. And sometimes, my presentations are required so that I can check a box and move that much closer to graduation. Public speaking is uncomfortable, but has preceded pretty much every accomplishment or noteworthy success in the past 6 years of my life.

Being friends with leftists

Look y’all, I wish I had the luxury of believing that everyone who disagreed with me was either evil, an idiot, or both. But I don’t. I know super intelligent, kind people – even people who share the same faith as me – who have radically different views on how government should work and what policies promote human flourishing. Knowing this forces me to revisit my own hard-set beliefs, think more deeply about how I came to that conclusion, and identify the assumptions my reasoning is based on – and evaluate whether those are correct or not. It’s irritating. But it’s helped me refine what I believe and become better able to communicate with people who don’t share the same underlying assumptions about life as I do. Being friends with leftists is uncomfortable, but it sharpens me.

Being a Christian in academia

Along the same lines, being a person who believes there is a supernatural reality while pursuing a career in a field that limits reality to whatever is material, observable, and generally repeatable is.. awkward. It has forced me to think about really difficult questions about my faith, from broadly abstract and philosophical to narrowly applied and practical. Sometimes I wish I could live in a community in which everyone has the same baseline assumptions about how the world works, why we’re here, and what comprises reality. But I think that would make me intellectually and spiritually complacent, and I never would have been motivated to seek out answers to really irritating and scary questions. Being a Christian in academia is uncomfortable, but it has actually strengthened my faith overall to know it can hold up under fire.

Having friends and family

People ask things of me. They disrupt my schedule. They want me to eat foods I wouldn’t normally eat at times I wouldn’t normally want to eat. They hurt my feels. They drain my energy, especially when they are going through rough times. They take up my precious time. But a life without those inconveniences is.. empty. Making sacrifices for my friends and family can be uncomfortable, but my friends and family are my support, a large part of my purpose in life, and a large source of my lolz.

**SURPRISE TWIST**

I also hope that I make you uncomfortable. Why? Because in the hyper-offendable culture of the present day, the only way you can possibly avoid making someone uncomfortable is to stop saying or doing anything. I used to add “of importance,” but people actually get worked up about this blog sometimes, y’all. Thus proving that even the nonsensical of all nonsense can rub someone the wrong way. Not that I go out of my way to offend people, but I also will not delete posts that I believe in (yes, I “believe” even in the silly ones). Doing and saying things makes people uncomfortable, but doing and saying stuff – especially of importance – is worth enduring a little push back.

So my darling readers, I urge you to review your life and notice how discomfort and struggle are the annoying but necessary parents to success, action, depth, and joy. And now with a tear in my eye and love in my heart — I wish you all moderate discomfort, today and forevermore. ❤

Singles Conference Debunks Grace Myth

“Now, I am free to quickly judge instead of bothering with the drudgery of loving someone who has made mistakes.”

Atlanta, GA – Thousands of Atlanta singles poured into Germinate Georgia Church this weekend to attend a conference on Singlehood, Dating, and Marriage by visiting pastor Rev. Bobby Jehosephat Murray. Intrigued by the enthusiastic tweets that had popped up on my twitter feed (“Revolutionary!” and “Murray on Fire! #SDMConference”), I loitered outside of Germinate Georgia Church on the night of the last session and was able to snag a few attendees for an interview.

Amanda Jackson, who drove all the way from Chattanooga TN to attend the conference, raved “Reverend Murray did an excellent job explaining how romantic relationships fall outside of the overarching message of Christianity. If I hadn’t attended the conference, I never would have understood these special exemptions.” Intrigued, I asked her to expand on this idea. “Well, I was always taught that Jesus’ death, life, and resurrection meant that I didn’t have to live in guilt and shame about my past, but could live in freedom. But Rev. Murray explained that while that’s mostly true for all other types of behaviors that hurt myself and others, there’s no true forgiveness for sexual sin. And, we should make sure that we frequently remind and judge each other for our past mistakes.”

She rolled up her sleeve excitedly, to show freshly inked tattoos that she had felt led to get after a particularly guilt-inducing conference session. I peered closely to read the delicate cursive in neat rows, surprised to find a list of juicy tidbits, such as “Made out in the backseat of C.S.’s car, 04/03/09” and “Allowed E.C. to cop a feel, 03/25/10”. Amanda continued glowingly “I got these to ensure that I never get cocky about where I stand in the family of God. Now if I ever start to feel free, or a good man starts to pursue me, I have an easy reminder of who I really am and how I don’t deserve any blessings.” An additional bonus, she added, was that now her brothers in Christ could quickly read through her past failures and save themselves from being tainted by her waywardness.

Amanda’s friend Dan Bowman, a friend of Amanda’s who attended the conference with her (they drove in separate cars), was particularly approving of his friend’s tattoos. “As a man who has protected himself from impurity my entire life, I was always a little bummed by the mainstream Christian message that my good works are like filthy rags to God– and that some philandering frat boy who literally decided to follow Jesus yesterday would have the same access to God and His blessings as I did. It never sat right with me.” Dan blew out his breath in exasperation. “But Rev. Murray was so encouraging. Now I know that my behavior has earned me the right to a flawless Christian woman as my wife.” He added, “It’s relieving to know that my hard work is worth something.”

Both Dan and Amanda agreed that another enlightening session had really relieved their anxieties about how to treat anyone they dated. “It was always so messy to try to figure out how to honor someone as a human being instead of just looking at them through the lens of their past,” chimed in Amanda. “Now, I am free to quickly judge instead of bothering with the drudgery of loving someone who has made mistakes.” When I asked them about how Rev. Murray explained the role of Mary Magdalene, Rahab the prostitute, Tamar and others, they both replied in unison, “Liberal propaganda.” Dan then offered me a gloved hand – kindly explaining he has a strict rule of no skin-to-skin contact with a female outside of his family – and he and Amanda headed off into the night (Amanda asked me to pointedly note that her Dad was also present).

For more information on this new theology, stay tuned for Rev. Murray’s new book “Sexual Sin: Debunking the grace myth” coming out this Spring.

Christian Singles: Get your shoot together.

For the love of Chris Tomlin, be chill and stop over-thinking it.

This is an “in-house” appeal to my single Christian brethren and sistern, so if you don’t fall into that category I’m sorry to leave you out. But of course, you’re welcome to read along and cluck your tongue in approval.

I’ll make this brief.

I currently know at least.. 25 women, in their 20-30s, smart, funny, sweet, hold down a job, emotionally stable, love Jesus. You know what else they all have in common? Single as a one dollar bill. What ELSE do they all have in common? They want dang-blatted hubs, who also love Jesus.

I also know at least 25.. well maybe 20.. men, in their 20-30s, smart, funny, kind, hold down a job, emotionally stable, and love Jesus. Single. Want dang-blatted wifies, who also love Jesus.

Yet what else do almost all of THESE people have in common? They’re on frickin OK Harmonious Bumble Match* or whatever wasting their time with men and women who’d make their mama weep. Or, the women are hombre-ing their hair and putting on extra-eyeliner, waiting for a young Louie Giglio to see them across the church parking lot and be captivated by their pure, ethereal beauty. Then we have men lurking around waiting for some woman to “give them a sign.” Which I guess entails slipping them a note, “I like you, do you like me? Check yes or no.”

Here’s an idea. Delete your derned dating app. Women, stop being prideful! It is not beneath your dignity to talk to a guy.. or even INITIATE A CONVERSATION YOURSELF (!!!!!). You don’t have to be a flirt. Just be .. friendly. Ask them about themselves. Men, start talking to women and ask them to coffee without feeling the need to call a week-long all-men prayer session to determine if this first step is God’s will. If you’re worried about being seen as creepy, just .. don’t.. be. If a woman says no, then take her word for it and FIDO.

I don’t want the church to become a Christian day-club for singles, I’m just saying that.. 99% of the single Christians I know are all fairly miserable being single, but the whole community is in a never-ending cycle of guys who won’t man up and initiate, with women who expect guys to initiate based off.. their fashion.. ? .. and when guys do initiate they’re labeled as creepy because Christian females are incapable of communicating “NO” so the poor guys are left trying to figure out if the woman is playing hard-to-get or legitimately despises them.. and then women who feel unwanted and rejected because a guy that she has ignored for 3 months is unable to read her mind and figure out she would definitely say yes if he asked her to lunch..

*deep sigh*

For the love of Chris Tomlin, be chill and stop over-thinking it.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not using the #galloblog platform as a not-so-subtle pathetic plea to men generally, or a specific man, to ask the #galloswag out. This whole post truly was born out of my deep indignation that so many of my male and female Christian single friends are so unhappy. Yes, I’m that sweet and thoughtful.

…Go forth and fraternize!

— EDITORIAL NOTES —

*I know people who have met their bae online, and that is glorious. In general though, in my prideful opinion, it’s a bit ridiculous to go online when you have tens and tens of singles right in front of you. If NONE of them appeal to you, maybe it’s your problem… *drops gallomic*

#galloendorsement

It is not my apathy for conservatism, but my ardent love for it’s purest form, that makes me want Trump to lose with all of my heart

This is my first and last political post of the season. I’m voting (in GA, writing him in) for Evan McMullin. I respect his background, like his policies, and consider him qualified to be commander in chief.

Do I think he will win? No. Do I think he will take votes away from Trump? Yes. Am I wasting my vote? No, because 1) I can look my future grand-nieces and nephews in the eye and justify my voting and 2) future candidates and election teams can take note of how many conservatives rejected this Trump idiocy.*

I still believe that conservative principles and policy are the best way forward for our country. Trump doesn’t support those principles or policies, at least not for more than 1 week at a time. It is not my apathy for conservatism, but my ardent love for it’s purest form, that makes me want Trump to lose with all of my heart— and for this to be a horrible nightmare that we remember and learn from, but move on from.

Will this mean Hillary wins? Maybe. Probably. But as others have also said recently, I rather deal with “the enemy” for 4 years than watch the “good guys” become so twisted, confused, and hypocritical that they’re not good anymore.

So there you go. Shake your head in disgust, blame my 9+ years in higher education for liberalizing me — Claire Bear Don’t Care.

#galloswag out.

Evan McMullin for President

*I don’t think everyone who is voting for Trump is an idiot. Or a racist. Or a sexist. Trump though, truly is the most incoherent idiot I have ever seen in any political scene, going all the way down to the student government association at my university.

The Profound Mystery of the Honk du Homme

As soon as I heard those two endearing “beep beeps!” I dropped my $12 Greek yogurt on the ground, kicked off my flippity flops, and sprinted to catch up with his garbage truck. Unfortunately the truck continued to move, so in heady desperation I yelled out my name, cell phone number, and the best times to reach me. As soon as I heard those two endearing “beep beeps!” I dropped my $12 Greek yogurt on the ground, kicked off my flippity flops, and sprinted to catch up with his garbage truck. Unfortunately the truck continued to move, so in heady desperation I yelled out my name, cell phone number, and the best times to reach me.

This afternoon I was walking from the grocery store toward my lab, and a man driving a garbage truck honked at me.

.. NOT! I looked around in bewilderment until I spotted the instigator who put the lives of his fellow waste disposal expert’s in danger by leaning his head out the window for a 360 view. After grinning at me with smug self-satisfaction, he just up ‘n drove away into the distance. Now our lives are forever separated in time and place.

Dear #galloblog readers: do any of you know the rationale behind horn-tooting at [attractive?] women? I have so many questions.

What do these enthusiastic honkers hope to gain from these interactions? Was the exhilarating exchange I detailed above a success in his mind?

Do men wish women would honk their horns at them? Is this a practice I should implement in my own life? #gallohonk?

Do honking men honk their horn at everything that excites them? Like, would they honk at a Krystal* lying on the side of the road?

If any of you have information on any of this, I would really like to gain insight on this fascinating phenomenon.

— Editorial Notes —

*I’m not trying to be a snob, but for some reason I just have a feeling that men who honk at women shuffling down the road in yoga pants also eat at Krystal. But all of this is very new, so I’m open to push-back on this.