How to slay with Personal Protective Equipment (PPE)

Let’s be honest ladies – even a PhD isn’t an excuse to look like a sad mushroom in lab. Just because your day is filled with cleaning up rodent poo doesn’t mean your beauty shouldn’t shine forth! I have been working in an animal laboratory for over 10 years now, and I have picked up little tricks along the way to make sure that even the drabbest of labs can’t shroud my popping looks. Below, I have demonstrated some of my favorite tips. Please study carefully to properly employ in your own laboratory setting, and let me know if you have any of your own sassy tricks to add to the mix!

 

glove
#1: Choose a flirty color of latex-free glove to add a pop of color to your outfit. Extra points if it complements your eye color!
smoochmask
A mask is no reason look expressionless. Draw a sassy little pout on your mask to remind those around you that you are more than a pair of eyes.
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Be aware of your environment, and take advantage of props to strike irresistible poses.
offtheshoulder
Don’t let the billowy lab gowns keep you from displaying your best features. Rock this off-the-shoulder lab gown to tease all the menfolk around you senseless.
jauntytilt
If you must cover your hair with a cap, try this jaunty tilt to add depth and charisma to your look.
leg
Never be too shy to show a little leg.
figure
Try gathering your gown behind you so your curvaceous figure can do the talking.
bumb
If all else fails, stick your bum out while your pushing a cart. 100% success rate!

Feeling beautiful? Send me your own laboratory glam looks!

A tearful plea to all men

MEN! Hear one, hear all!

I don’t care if you are black, brown, white, or yellow!

I don’t care if you are straight, gay, bi-sexual, or have a special affinity for Keebler elves!

I don’t care if you have the body of a god or the body of a gramps!

I don’t care if your skin is silky smooth or if you have an unruly forest of hair on your tum!

This plea is to all of you heterogametics.

DO NOT WEAR CROP TOPS … EVER.

A picture is worth a thousand words, so here’s 3,000 words worth of why —

Screenshot_2017-10-05-12-12-19
[EXPLICIT!!!!!] (public instagram post)
Screenshot_2017-10-05-12-19-31 (1)
If you haven’t already decided to boycott the NFL, this should seal it. (public instagram post)
Screenshot_2017-10-05-12-18-33
I have never been more proud that someone is *not* American. (public instagram post)

SIRS, I BEG OF YOU — CEASE AND DESIST.

Please and thank you.

Click here for more timeless fashion advice!

The swag of Gallo! (Fashion Guide)

Dressing the Galloswag is a fine, sophisticated, subtle art.

This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I consider myself a bit of a fashionista. What may seem sloppy to the untrained eye is actually the result of careful deliberation. Dressing the Galloswag is a fine, sophisticated, subtle art. Because I am a generous person who is always thinking of ways to benefit society, I have decided to share my fabulous fashion secrets. These three overarching principles put the #swag in my #gallo: Comfy, Consistent, and Comical.

  1. Comfy

 

lounge_examples

Whether it be pants fit for yoga-ing, soft hoodies that are wearable blankies, or shorts that ride the tantalizing edge between gym-wear and sleep-wear, comfy is key (dare I say.. comkey?!). If you’re not sure where to start, I recommend beginning each morning by examining your pj’d self with a loving but critical eye. Then ask yourself “What are the most minor changes I can make so I can go out in public and not get arrested?” Then proceed accordingly. If you find yourself reaching for that button-down blouse, talk yourself off that stiff, uncomfortable cliff! As the wise and wonderful Christina Aguilera said in Season 5 (?) of NBC’s The Voice, “pick your moments.” Save those fancy shirts for future events where you really want to make an impression, like your ex’s wedding.

  1. Consistent

samestyles2

I simply cannot emphasize this enough: variety in clothing reeks of privilege. Yeah, I said it. Look, some of us are poor. And picky. And hate shopping. When I find a style of clothing that works for me, I buy as many different [solid] colors of that clothing item as I can. That way, people are never quite sure if I’m actually re-wearing the same orange shorts I was wearing yesterday, or if I’m playing with their minds by selecting a softer, genteel peachy-orange. I’ll let you in on a dark secret: sometimes it’s the same thing I was wearing the day before!

pitstains

Take note: pit stains are nothing to be ashamed about. They tell a story. A story like, “I have worn this short a lot, and I have sweat in this shirt a lot.” Wow, great story.

black_shirt

Another way of thinking about consistency is across time. People like predictability- it makes them feel safe. I’m committed to creating and maintaining safe spaces. That is why I [figuratively] stretch my clothing across years. Just browse through my Facebook pictures, and you will see my favorites over, and over, and over again. One of my proudest items of clothing is this marvelous black tank-top, featured above. Making its debut in 2011, this tank top has graced the body of Galloswag for six years straight. Yes, the year numbers were placed strategically, because YOU WILL NOT GET CHEAP THRILLS FROM READING GALLOBLOG!!!

  1. Comical

comical

What is clothing, really, except to make us lolz? Don’t answer that. This is the third and most important way I express myself through fashion. Halloween socks? Although scurry, they make me giggle. Telling the world I love tacos? Hilair. Elmo shirt – ridiculous, and also silky! Garfield pj’s AND doggy slippers? So absurdly tacky I can’t help but cackle every time I pass a mirror. Life can be bleak, and so many issues need to be taken seriously. Your personal fashion is not one of them. Give it a try!

 

I hope the Triple C’s of fashion was as inspiring to read as it was to write. C’mon folks, let’s all join hands and gather around a new fashion. A fashion for all people: Comfy! Consistent! Comical!