Christian Singles: Get your shoot together.

christiandancing

This is an “in-house” appeal to my single Christian brethren and sistern, so if you don’t fall into that category I’m sorry to leave you out. But of course, you’re welcome to read along and cluck your tongue in approval.

I’ll make this brief.

I currently know at least.. 25 women, in their 20-30s, smart, funny, sweet, hold down a job, emotionally stable, love Jesus. You know what else they all have in common? Single as a one dollar bill. What ELSE do they all have in common? They want dang-blatted hubs, who also love Jesus.

I also know at least 25.. well maybe 20.. men, in their 20-30s, smart, funny, kind, hold down a job, emotionally stable, and love Jesus. Single. Want dang-blatted wifies, who also love Jesus.

Yet what else do almost all of THESE people have in common? They’re on frickin OK Harmonious Bumble Match* or whatever wasting their time with men and women who’d make their mama weep. Or, the women are hombre-ing their hair and putting on extra-eyeliner, waiting for a young Louie Giglio to see them across the church parking lot and be captivated by their pure, ethereal beauty. Then we have men lurking around waiting for some woman to “give them a sign.” Which I guess entails slipping them a note, “I like you, do you like me? Check yes or no.”

Here’s an idea. Delete your derned dating app. Women, stop being prideful! It is not beneath your dignity to talk to a guy.. or even INITIATE A CONVERSATION YOURSELF (!!!!!). You don’t have to be a flirt. Just be .. friendly.  Ask them about themselves. Men, start talking to women and ask them to coffee without feeling the need to call a week-long all-men prayer session to determine if this first step is God’s will. If you’re worried about being seen as creepy, just .. don’t.. be. If a woman says no, then take her word for it and FIDO.

I don’t want the church to become a Christian day-club for singles, I’m just saying that.. 99% of the single Christians I know are all fairly miserable being single, but the whole community is in a never-ending cycle of guys who won’t man up and initiate, with women who expect guys to initiate based off.. their fashion.. ? .. and when guys do initiate they’re labeled as creepy because Christian females are incapable of communicating “NO” so the poor guys are left trying to figure out if the woman is playing hard-to-get or legitimately despises them.. and then women who feel unwanted and rejected because a guy that she has ignored for 3 months is unable to read her mind and figure out she would definitely say yes if he asked her to lunch..

*deep sigh*

For the love of Chris Tomlin, be chill and stop over-thinking it. 

DISCLAIMER: I’m not using the #galloblog platform as a not-so-subtle pathetic plea to men generally, or a specific man, to ask the #galloswag out. This whole post truly was born out of my deep indignation that so many of my male and female Christian single friends are so unhappy. Yes, I’m that sweet and thoughtful.

…Go forth and fraternize!

— EDITORIAL NOTES —

*I know people who have met their bae online, and that is glorious. In general though, in my prideful opinion, it’s a bit ridiculous to go online when you have tens and tens of singles right in front of you. If NONE of them appeal to you, maybe it’s your problem… *drops gallomic*

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One thought on “Christian Singles: Get your shoot together.

  1. This is awesome. Every stinkin’ word.

    Apparently, some wilting daffodil out there found this post “hurtful”. It’s hurtful to suggest that girls employ intelligence and personality instead of artfully crafted curls and just the right amount of church cleavage? Or that guys should perhaps get off their mother’s cheeto stained couch and try to spend time with a female without first waiting for a unanimous vote of the elders and for God to provide a glitter covered unicorn for him to ride to the date on? Mmmkay buddy. Enjoy your Scrabble games with Uncle Al. We’ll hand you tissues during your weekly viewing of A Walk to Remember.

    Somehow most Christian singles seem to have lost the capacity to interact with each other as human beings, and instead approach someone of the opposite sex anxiously screeching to themselves, “AM I READY TO MARRY THIS PERSON TOMORROW???” That is, frankly, idiotic. What is really hurtful is that Christians who are called to love each other have stopped taking the time to wonder who this other person actually is and instead feel like a literal act of God is required to have a conversation with that person. And if your delicate feelings aren’t offended by that, I disrespectfully suggest your priorities are trash.

    Liked by 1 person

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