Grieve androgynously

~If you are offended by gross generalizations of sex differences, then this post will be a burr in your buttocks.~

I will make this little advisement on grief.. brief! Teehee

En generale, I’ve noticed that when womenfolk are upset about something, they 1) surround themselves with social support, 2) talk about it incessantly, and 3) indulge in passive sedentarism (e.g. skip the gym for Netflix and chocolate). 

On the flippity side, I’ve noticed that when menfolk are upset about something, they 1) isolate themselves, 2) refuse to talk about it, and 3) throw themselves into some fairly mindless but physically intense activity (e.g. go beast mode at the gym for 3 hrs).

It is my expert opinion that the best of both worlds would be to combo womenfolk grieving tendencies #1 with menfolk grieving tendency #3 (and find a nice balance between women and menfolk grieving tendency #2). Men honestly scare me sometimes with their inability / refusal to acknowledge their hurts and work them out with people who love and affirm them in healthy ways,* and I think they would do themselves a solid to at least have a few buds that they can be honest with and express how much they are hurting. But, I think women could take a cue from men to pause the 4 hr pity-party coffee dates with their gal pals and learn to channel their intense feelings into ferocious glute clenches! Moving around can make us feel better, but even if it doesn’t – might as well be sad with an excellent tush than sad with a saggy tush, amiright?** And when the sad feelings fade, you will feel better AND be a sleek tigress.


Even better: work out with a friend!!!!


Alright, great! Here’s to healthy grief!  


*It’s not healthy to only talk to people who will tell you that everything you do is perfect and anyone who ever disagreed with you is mentally defective / evil.  But at the end of the day, you want to talk to someone who wants to see you flourish like a dazzling daffodil!

**I am.

Here are some great articles that talk about healthy ways to get up and over romantic relationships specifically —

eHarmony – 12 basic tips for getting over the ex

Boundless – 5 Tipes for healing from a break up 



The Real War on Women

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What do these pictures have in common?

Well one, they’re portraying females as strong, violent, and/or brash. They fit perfectly into this neo-feminism narrative of I AM WOMAN, I AM STRONG.

Second, I absolutely hate them. Coincidentally, I also hate this neo-feminism.

I am a 27 year old woman who has her PhD and makes a decent income. And I didn’t have to use my body in any sexual way to get my PhD or to make my living now. And this isn’t because I have well connected, affluent parents that have paid my way, either. My life is paid for by me, and it has been for a while (except my phone service – thanks Dad!). And truly, I am thankful for all the feminists that came before me that made all of this possible.


This new type of feminism is awful awful awful. It’s like we saw everything bad about the culture of men that drove the imbalance and inequality between sexes in the early 20th century and instead of working to improve men’s culture, we destroyed women’s culture. For example – men could get away with promiscuity and objectifying women. Now thanks to neo-feminism, women can now get away with promiscuity and objectifying men! HOORAY! Then, men prioritized work over families. Now thanks to neo-feminism, women can now prioritize work over their families too! Then, men could get away with being crude. Now thanks to neo-feminism, women can parade around with vagina-hats on! WOW! Progress!

So yes, congratulations millenials – the sexes are pretty equal. Equally awful. *golf clap*

AND.. in the process .. we’ve rejected traditional femininity as being lesser. Instead of adding value to traditionally feminine qualities, we’ve tried to prove that females can be just as masculine as males. “You’re right,” neo-feminists say, throwing up their hands. “The way to power and success is to be masculine. Therefore, women will prove just how masculine they can be.” So in a twisted, ironic sense, we’re actually agreeing with men who have trampled and sneered on women throughout history.

Here’s the thing: I do not want my nieces to need to learn how to choke someone out to be considered a true woman. I will take no pride in them loudly and obnoxiously referencing their vaginas at every opportunity. No pride will swell in my heart if I find out that they have had sex with many, many men without getting pregnant or *BONUS* not caring or loving any of these men.  I want them to giggle and dream and play dress up and get in trouble for getting into their mom’s make up. I want them to have the freedom and security to be silly and smart and sassy and soft.

I love this. Girlhood. (from pixabay free images)

Let’s stop the REAL war on women .. on femininity. Yes, let’s let women get educated and hold jobs and not be shamed for having a figure … but let’s also not take the worst, most primal part of men and adopt it as our own.

Because *drum roll* women will never be as good at being masculine as men are. (Before you get indignant and start throwing dildos at me, think about if you’d get offended if I said that men will never be as good at being feminine as women are. If you’re offended by that too, I just can’t help you.) Can women be strong? Of course. But even a very strong female could still get their ass kicked by most males. So I’m all for taking self-defense classes and not being ridiculously helpless, but at the end of the day – unless we spontaneously mutate and our biology changes drastically – or maybe cast off the aversion to growing robust moustachios and start injecting ourselves with testosterone – men are still going to be able to physically dominate us. That is scary, if men’s culture doesn’t change.

I propose a change in the next generation of feminism: How about men AND women get some accountability for their sexual activity. How about men AND women stop objectifying each other. How about men AND women start prioritizing their families over work. How about men AND women stop being crude. Instead of working to make both men and women awful, let’s work to make both men and women great.