Tag: culture

Fight aggressive activism with passive aggression!

As many others have said better than I have, fb has become near intolerable. We’ve been rolling our eyes at exhibitionists* and passive-aggressive posts for years, but throughout the 2016 election and – good Lort, especially after Trump’s inauguration – my fb feed has been inundated with self-righteous-apocalyptic-hyperactivism posts. I’ve already talked about dismounting the activism high horse myself, but I think now it’s time to take back our beloved fb feed by force.**

How do you fight against obnoxiously aggressive activism? By being obnoxiously passive aggressive, of course. Therefore, I have made reaction gifs that should fit each and every post. Because let’s be real, most people just want to impress people that they are modern, concerned peoples. So let’s give them what they want, as obnoxiously as possible. Instead of commenting, just post these gifs for each type of post.

1) For those “I’m going to write a 5 page essay to show you how right I am about this” posts

2) For those “All white people / males / straight people etc. etc. should just all go kill themselves and feel super guilty” posts
3) For those “Let’s all get depressed about some horrible social issue” posts
4) For those “I will rise above you dirty scumbags” posts
5) For all other self-righteous-apolcalyptic-hyperactivism posts, otherwise unspecified
I realize this is coming across as a bit snarky. Well, my feed has induced this snark. I don’t doubt that some of my friends truly care about these issues… but I don’t care that they care. Please post a pic of your cat. Thx.***
If THIS post has inspired YOU, please send me more suggestions! Let’s start a massive conglomeration of passive-aggressiveness.
— EDITORIAL NOTES —
*Fancy term for “people who post too many pictures of themselves and think that we care what they ate for dinner every night.” I am a perfect example of this.
**I really do take life and issues seriously. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – there is no worse place to discuss politics than on fb. Dr. Galloswag sez, “Discussing politics online shrivels every dendrite in our brains.” I have truly developed a deep dislike for so many of my “friends” now because of their SRAH posts. But I’m not advocating for a lack of action per se – I’m advocating against broadcasting every action you take. You go and change the world, little tiger. If you actually do something important, trust me, the world will recognize you.
***I have a feeling I will regret this post later. But rn, Claire Bear Don’t Care. All this endless barrage of profound outrage has induced profound apathy in yours truly.

Men aren’t marrying these days because women are pathetic.

EDITOR NOTE, 02/22/2018 6:51 PM EST: Attention woman-haters —- this post was written satirically. If you are riding the female-bashing train, note that sharing this post because you agree with the title 1) proves that you did not actually read &/or comprehend this post for it’s original purpose and 2) boosts the hits for a blog managed by a single woman who normally writes about her own weird love-life, Christianity, or rando stuff that makes her cackle. SO if you are all about spewing vitriol about women, this ain’t the post or the blog for you.

******************************************************************************

 

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It’s no secret that there are so many incredible single men in the world. They’re smart, funny and basically total catches… so where are all the great girls? The real reason so many men are still rolling solo is much simpler: most girls aren’t worth dating.

MEN ARE BECOMING MORE FIT, ACCOMPLISHED AND INDEPENDENT WHILE GIRLS ARE LETTING THEMSELVES GO. Men have so much to offer a potential partner and the world at large — they’re strong, ambitious and totally self-sufficient. Meanwhile, girls seem to have thrown femininity and true beauty out the window and assume they can get away with the bare minimum. No thanks — they can take that laziness elsewhere.

THEY WON’T PUT UP WITH BULLCRAP. Sure, men could have a relationship if they were willing to look the other way when manipulative liars and skanks pull their crap with them, but why should they? They’ve seen all the same crap and heard all the same excuses time and time again and they respect themselves too much to accept them for the sake of being in a relationship. They’d much rather be on our own.

Tmodel-885297_1920HEIR STANDARDS ARE HIGH AND THEY’LL STAY THAT WAY. Since men know their worth, they won’t accept anything less than what they deserve from girls. Girls need to be on their level in every sense of the word and if they’re not prepared to do that, men aren’t prepared to date them.

GIRLS THINK THEIR OPTIONS ARE ENDLESS, BUT MEN WON’T SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST. Part of the problem with modern dating is that girls think all it takes to move on to the next man is a quick right swipe on their phone screens. Ghosting and benching are par for the course, but if men so much as get a glimpse of bitchy tendencies, they’re out of there before she can open Tinder.

MEN’S LIVES ARE ALREADY FULL — IF A GIRL CAN’T ADD TO IT, SHE’S NOT WORTH MAKING ROOM FOR. Men have got busy careers, amazing friends, loving families and passions to pursue. Their schedules are booked solid. That means if they’re making room for a girl, she’d better bring something new and worthwhile to the table. If she’s just looking to get her dinner paid for or wants to “hang out” until she figures out what she wants to do with her life, she can go elsewhere.man-885225_1920

MANY MEN JUST AREN’T LOOKING FOR WIVES ANYMORE. That doesn’t mean all of men are averse to eventually getting married, but men don’t wake up every day wondering if it’ll be the day that their Pretty Princess comes to melt their heart. Men don’t need to wait for a woman to walk down the aisle to feel as though they’ve reached the pinnacle of manhood — it’s not the 195os anymore and men are as committed to their own happiness and excellence as they could ever be to a girl.

THEY’RE BECOMING THEIR OWN WIVES. Thanks to the breakdown of gender norms and the ability of men not only to keep their house affairs in order but to excel in tasks like cooking, men are now able to provide themselves all the benefits wives used to provide them. Men don’t need a girl to cook for them or clean their house — they’ve got that locked down already. Men don’t even need a wife for kids; if they really want to become fathers, there are ways to achieve that without having to tie the knot with someone they’ll just end up divorcing a few years later.

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TOO MANY GIRLS ARE INTIMIDATED BY STRONG MEN. Men are not going to weaken themselves or play off our goals and accomplishments as no big deal when they’ve worked their butts off to get where they are. Too many girls can’t handle being with a man who won’t let her control everything. Men demand the best in every area of their lives and certainly won’t put up with little girls who either feel threatened by masculinity or feel the need to try and tear them down to assuage their own egos.

So what’s a man to do? Honestly, not much other than to just keep doing you unless someone worthwhile comes along and makes you want to be in a long, committed relationship or get married.

— EDITORIAL NOTES —

Ladies: Did this post annoy/upset you? Did it come across as super condescending and insulting? Good. Because it was almost a word-for-word copy of a self-congratulatory article I found that was originally written by a woman for women that is tragically representative of many articles I’ve read on women/singlehood. I just switched the pronouns to jar us out of our delusional sneering. We have got to stop talking about ourselves like we’re Xena Warrior Princess and all the men around us are Napoleon Dynamite. You can celebrate femininity and have standards without tearing men down! Dr. Galloswag sez, “This vitriolic shoot ain’t helpin’ nobody.” Now dismount your princess carriage and go hug a man you respect.

Friend zoned, bro!

If you agreed to wear matching shirts, you def don’t have a chance romantically. AND THAT’S PERFECTLY OKAY

 

Recently I posed a question to my adoring facebook community :

“If someone is interested in you but you’re 90% sure you’re going to friend zone them, is it more considerate to go on at least one date-like activity to “give it a chance,” or tell them from the very beginning you’re not romantically interested so they don’t waste their time and $?”

Well, this initiated quite the flurry of comments. I was a little dismayed that several commenters ranged from pity to contempt toward the unnamed, potentially friend-zoned man in question. In my mind, friend-zoning should not be seen as some shameful insult. Short of marrying the person, I  see a good solid friend-zone as the best possible outcome to hope for.

Think about the scores of people that most single people will date before they find that special someone (if they ever do). We have to assume that there’s a very high likelihood that any given date is not going to be “the one.” If a date ends in “let’s just be friends,” it’s not a horrible failure. It’s an overwhelming success in ruling them out, and saving you precious hours of sad and angry interweb stalking. I’m probably going to be accused of being anti-marriage or a bitter old hag, but I’m totally serious about this: I think it’s almost as equally worthy of celebration to leave a person who is wrong for you than to stay with the person who is right for you.

Please consider this: less romance = less drama = less weirdness post break up = more real friend potential. So, if you become skilled at extracting yourself from cloying romance as quickly as possible, you greatly increase your chances at actually developing a wonderful, joyous, platonic relationship.

**Quick caveat: I’m assuming that friend-zoning actually means the friend-zoner actually does want to be your friend. If they say “let’s be friends,” and mean “please stop talking to me you disgusting creep,” then yes that’s a little shameful. Although still, not the end of the world really. Not everyone is going to be wildly attracted to you, and some people may actually be actively put off by you. Sure, it’s not pleasant – but why waste any more of your time creeping on them and being angry? Do you really wish that you had the secret code of charm and looks to snag someone who was turned off by your SOP? Have some dignity, and save your time for someone who truly appreciates your friendship… or even falls madly in love with you. Either one. (See, I’m not completely bitter.)

😉