— #galloswag editorial note —
This was written by two brothers who I have been friends with before smoothies were even a twinkle in your blender’s eye. If they were able to snag your very own Galloswag as a female BFF, you *know* these guys are LEGIT
Men, everywhere here and yonder, I’m sure after reading #galloswag’s riveting post advising women how to befriend men in a strictly platonic manner, you thought to yourself, “My bros are great, but I might want to enjoy a Smoothie Sunday with a lady BFF* every once in a while to discuss my life via a medium other than memes, how do I remedy this??”
Memes beware! Behold my friends, there is a solution! Make a female friend. It’s that simple.
Disclosure Notice: After discussing this subject with my close confidant and business partner (#iambrookscassidy) we have devised a plan to make your Smoothie Sundays the real deal. However, these tried and true methods of landing potential lady friends are guaranteed to become so popular they’ll lose originality over time. Please note it is up to each bro to implement these methods with a certain personal flair or style that creates a unique experience. Otherwise, the woman you’re trying to befriend will realize these techniques are overused and outdated, and possibly end your friendship before it starts.
1) Self-improvement classes (pottery, soap making, gardening): Let’s be honest bro, the highest value you’ve ever put on pottery is whether or not it will explode like a watermelon when dropped off a seven story parking garage. Although not wrong, you may want to consider a different direction to take with such classy pieces of art. Create something. Women flock to pottery classes like Jordan Belfort* flocks to securities fraud. Join a pottery class and create a pot. While creating that pot, look around for potential female BFFs. Ask the potential BFF whether you should use the newly created pot as a cereal bowl or a planter for a bamboo tree you plan to buy at an upcoming arts and crafts show this weekend. This is a tried and true way to break the ice and find a new BFF that is not only creative, but obviously has enough free time to hit up Jamba Juice with you.
2) Daily streak on Snapchat. Girls love Snapchat: Anytime and I do mean ANYTIME you see something remotely funny or somewhat Snapworthy, send it to the future lady BFF you met in pottery class. Snapworthy chats are not that hard to come by. What is a hilarious Snap you ask? For starters, record yourself belting out the lyrics to a trendy pop song while strolling through the local grocery store. The innocent bystanders shopping with you will understand your goals are to start a new friendship, not to send Justin Bieber back to Canada with waves of jealousy over your strong vocal talents. I guarantee this trick will kick off any friendship in a positive light.
3) Pick up a cause (Remember Cecil the Lion!): Lastly, you need something to talk about with your newly found BFF. Women love causes. Whether it’s Cecil the Lion, Harambe, or some other poor creature who was sacrificed in the preparation for your Smoothie Sunday, read up! Wikipedia is a great if somewhat unreliable place to learn about recent causes and trends. Don’t quote anything word for word, but have a conversation kick-starter in your back pocket just in case the discussion with your BFF about your new workout routine results in nothing more than an awkward silence. Cecil and Harambe want you to make new friends outside of the Call of Duty multiplayer campaign you’ve been vigorously attending to for weeks. Forever honor their names with your pottery, Snapchats and smoothies. Be well-informed, bros, and spice your life up with a female BFF.
*BFF – Best Friends Forever (Female way of identifying her homies.)
**Jordan Belfort is the lead character in ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ played by Leonardo Dicaprio.
-The Kahlua Bros