INSIDER’S ONLY: the wild and wonderful #gallogrub

It is well known amongst my friends and fam that my eating habits are kinda.. quirky. Thousands of people* have asked me “What exactly do you eat during the day?” I think they suspect I go to some top-secret farmer’s market, buy some magic beans, and cackle all night as I stir a pot of stew. Very very close, but not quite. I just try to hit the Eternal Quatro of Grub Delight – healthy, fast, cheap, and tasty. Although really by ‘tasty’, sometimes I just mean ‘edible’.

So you are all in for a rare treat my friends – #galloblog is giving you an insider’s look at what your ol’ Galloswag noshes on all day. Get your pinterests READY!

Breakfast

This is Publix nonfat greek yogurt and chia seeds. They’re not just for pets anymore, folks, they’re for eating. And from what I understand, every chia seed you eat flattens your stomach by 1mm. I also added a devilish dollop of all natural** peanut butter, because life is meant to be enjoyed.

Don’t forget green tea! Two different kinds, because YOLO.

Breakfast 2

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Wellll I was still hungry. So I whipped up a smooth and creamy bowl of oatus de branus, more commonly known as oat bran. On the top is a scoop of plain ol’ cocoa powder. Because milk, sugar, and fat in chocolate is for THE WEAK.

Pre-work snack

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Every morn I add a scoop of this green superfood nonsense to my water. I like to imagine an epic battle going on in my body where these valiant green warriors fight off all my evil oxidants. Because I don’t want ANY oxidants left in my body. Not. One. Damn. Oxidant.

Post-arrive-at-work snack

To reward myself for making the grueling o.6 mile walk into my lab, I always roll up a sweet potato like a sweet little baby, nuke that sucker, and eat it plain, skin and all. Yes, like a frickin’ hot dog.

.. & some white tea, because I’m still tired, and quitting coffee was hard.

Pre-lunch hunger stave off

If I had zero self-control, I would eat my lunch every day by.. 10:15 a.m. So I drink a big ol’ water bottle with a splash of raw unfiltered apple cider vinegar. Does it help with hunger? Definitely. Does it cure the common cold, cleanse your arteries, and give you the gift of telepathy? I don’t know. I ain’t no scientist.***

Cinnamon gum is also great to chew on to distract my whiney stomach. I buy this super expensive crappy kind that lasts for 15 seconds because it’s xylitol only. And regular gum stays in your stomach and grows into aliens.

Lunch

I had the delight of running home for lunch and constructing the most mouth watering omelette/frittata. It’s 2 eggs, half a bag of frozen spinach (pre-thawed in microwave), and a sprinkle of turmeric, black pepper****, and red crushed pepper. Stirred it all up and threw it in a pan coated with avocado oil.***** Then I finished it with an adorbs plop of hummus.

Post-lunch Snack

Sprouted corn flakes and cashew milk! Because it is like a crunchy festival in your mouth! And it was a ‘Woohoo!’ deal at Kroger! I literally woohoo’d when I saw it.

Dinner

I got very distracted and had no time to keep on taking pics like some psycho woman. Will anyone ever know what a #gallodinner looks like…. ?!?!?!

TO BE CONTINUED…

— EDITORIAL NOTES —

*Ones of people

**PLEASE never eat peanut butter that’s not natural. It’s basically peanut flavored shortening. Hydrogenated oils are always, always, a no.

*** #gallolies

**** THIS is actually serious – turmeric and black pepper are supposed to be super anti-inflammatory

***** Apparently avacodo oil is (one of??) the only kind(s??) of oils that doesn’t turn into a carcinogen when heated up for pan-cooking. Use your EVOO for cold salad and antipasto, not cooking. Sowwy.

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