The War on Hugs

I’m a southerner. I hug. I hug my family members, my friends, distant acquaintances, and dogs.

cat-2640940_640
See, even cats give full frontal hugs. It’s in nature,  therefore it’s natural, therefore it’s correct. #science #logic #irrefutable

It wasn’t until I was in my teens that I realized some people consider a full frontal hug not as a friendly greeting or farewell but as …. [cringe] a sensual* pressing/rubbing together of bodies.

And in a sad effort to avoid the possibility of sensuality, the ever-polular but lamé side hug was awkwardly birthed. Ayiyiyiyi. From my #gallopov, a side hug is a gesture that should be saved for probable rapists and TK-haters, not your platonic friends of the opposite sex.  The best outcome you can hope for with this pathetic hug sub is a mutual lat rub.**

couple-597174_640
“Hmm isn’t it nice to rub lats, babe?”

But let’s turn back on the Main St of this post — good ol’ fashioned frontal hugs.

I don’t want to be naïve. I’m sure there are menz (and womenz?!) who legit get, ehh, “excited” by hugs. BUT, even if some do, does that mean all peeps should let those over-sexualized-get-their-thrills-however-they-can-folkz ruin this warm, platonic gesture for everyone?!

Cuz y’all… Pervos roam the Earth without restraint, mmkay? If we let them take our hugs away, soon handshakes will be fetishized. Then we’ll have to shift to tapping elbows as a greeting. (But of course that will need to be monitored closely, as the funny bone area can give some people intriguing sensations.) Where does it end??

At some point, we need to draw a line in the sand and stop letting the most pansexual of us drive our greeting norms. Let’s plant our feet, face each other squarely, and hug like decent humanz!

END THE WAR ON HUGS!!!

OOO,

Galloswag

— EDITORIAL NOTES —

*I can’t say that word normally. Even in my head,  I always pronounce it “senthual” with a nervous lisp.

**Which SOME people really get off on. #nojudgeo

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