The death of a dream

WARNING: If you can’t tell by the title, I’m in a melodramatic mood.

I’ve come to the realization that I’m an absolute nutto about my career. I’ve known for many years that I don’t want to be a professor, but now the reality of cutting the uni apron strings is really setting in. Tying to map out my “next steps” has not been a delight. It has been more of a drudgery. It has brought out all sorts of feels – anxiety, sorrow, guilt. Eeks.

The anxiety I understand. I expected some anxiety about changing careers, especially since I spent 10 of my 30 zesty years in the same field. The sorrow and guilt, though.. they have taken me by surprise. Where did this devilish duo come from?

Well, one factor is a somewhat absurd but persistent idea of mine that I’m letting down little Gallo du ancienne- the spunky optimist who set her sights on curing Alzheimer’s disease when she was a delicate 16 years. I can imagine her being disgusted with Gallo du présent for quitting her dream. “You’re there! Why stop now?” she would demand. Similarly, I also feel like I’m letting my Grandpa and Grandma down. Grandpa had Alzheimer’s disease, and a prevention or treatment would have changed his and my grandma’s life. They would have been so excited to know that my research was in Alzheimer’s disease, and maybe a bit disappointed that I’m choosing to leave it.

On top of that, there is the jadedness (jadosity? Jadociousness?!) of academic research. Yes, I’ve completed experiments. Yes, I’ve analyzed data and wrote up manuscripts that were published in peer-reviewed academic journals. Do I think my research has significantly advanced the field of Alzheimer’s disease? Not particularly. My entire academic career was way less impactful and dynamic than I hoped it would be.

That is my summary of gloom, my friends.  I bring all of this up because I think it’s worth noting that there is actually a degree of real grief involved in burying a dream. Especially when that dream was tied to specific people that you love(d). And – it’s difficult to create a new dream (or goal, for you less romantic types) when you don’t have the advantage of boundless optimism, time,  and naive willingness to be poor for several years as you work your way from the ground up that you have when you were a youth.

Nevertheless, she perspired. Wait, that’s not right. She.. resisted.. the man! No, she insisted on having her own way!! She desisted.. the pity party?! There you go. Okay leave encouraging comments! Thanks! ❤

 

The easiest, cheapest, most effective weight loss plan of all time.

smartmag-featured-image-weight-loss-success-stories-lost-over-150-pounds
from shapefit.com. Please don’t sue me, Shapefit!

Welp, it’s another new year. Maybe weight loss goals are becoming cliche, but most people want a magnificent body, even if they can only fantasize about this privately. Yet we all know that weight loss plans can interfere with your daily life, drain your bank account, and force you to sweat in spandex around a bunch of grunting  strangers with better bodies than you. Yech.

But that’s no reason to give up. I have dedicated this last 12 minutes of my life to formulate the easiest, cheapest, most effective weight loss plan of all time.

1) Sell all chairs and sofas. 

“But where will I sit to watch tv?” You demand angrily. And I say, “Exactly.”

“And how will I sit down to eat?!” You ask in expasperation. And I say, “That’s right.”

“If I can only sit on the floor, my butt will hurt and I’ll keep on standing up and moving my body so I’m not so uncomfortable!” You assert with indignation. And I say, “Bingo.”

2) Only shop at Whole Foods 

Oh I know, Whole Foods is a bit of a scam. You can get pretty much all the same stuff in the Kroger healthy food section for ~1/4 of the price. If you shop there, you will probably have to slash your total food intake by 76%. Hmmm….

Let me say it again, If you shop only at Whole Foods, you will probably have to slash your total food intake by 76%.

3) Sell your refrigerator and freezer, too. 

You might be worrying, “But where will I store my ice cream, frozen pizzas, and cheese?”

…. I’ll let you figure this one out on your own.

Conclusion: Don’t over complicate your life. Follow these three easy steps, and enjoy the new you!