John Crist should not be canceled forever

This couldn’t be a complete farewell tour for Galloblog without a John Crist post, amiright? My thoughts about Crist have oscillated over the past year or so. I held back on posting anything about him for a while because posting during the peak of the cancellation storm seemed exploitative and icky.

But, here we are. Let’s recap, for those of you who do not stalk this blog –

November 2017 – I post an extremely silly post about how I broke off my engagement to John Crist. This post was written largely to poke fun at the desperado of single Christian women in the church (e.g. taking every friendly gesture from Christian men wayyyy to seriously).

Spring 2018- the engagement post starts getting *tons* of views. I realize some people are actually taking this seriously.  I feel a combo of “lol” and “yay! Blog traffic!”

February 2019 – I notice I’m getting a lot of hits from Twitter, which is very unusual for my blog. I investigate 🧐 and discover someone is accusing John Crist of being abusive to women and is citing my satirical engagement post as proof. I think “lol” and “oh dear.” So I private message John Crist on Twitter and explain the situation and offer to take it down if he would like me to. He actually replied (!!!) and said to keep it up because it was funny.  Then he also said to let him know if I wanted free tickets to his next show in my area. So of course I was like “Hellz yeah!”

April 2019 – he gives me 2 amazing tickets to his show. He tells me to come say hey after the show. We have this ironic jokey text exchange –

Screenshot_20190414-194118_Textra

Screenshot_20190414-201852_Textra

So my boyfriend, friend + hubs, and I all went to the back to see him. It was a very quick conversation , but it something along the lines of “yeah, people are so mean online. Let me know if anyone ever gives you any trouble!” And that was pretty much it. I even have photographic evidence (I cropped out my boyfriend’s face for privacy – but my bf is the true babu of my heart!).

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So anyway, fast-forward to November 2019- Charisma News published a bombshell article John Crist Cancels 2019 Tour Dates After Reports of Sexting, Harassment, Manipulation that detailed the sexual misconduct allegations from five women. “According to multiple sources, Crist has exploited his Christian reputation and platform to harass, manipulate and exploit young women over the last seven years. The allegations include, but are not limited to, individually sexting multiple women during the same time period, initiating sexual relationships with married women and women in committed relationships, offering show tickets in exchange for sexual favors and repeatedly calling these women late at night while drunk.”

A day or two later, John Crist issued a written response-

“My behavior has been destructive and sinful. I’ve sinned against God, against women and the people who I love the most. I have violated my own Christian beliefs, convictions and values, and have hurt many people in the process,” Crist said. “I am sorry for the hurt and pain I have caused these women and will continue to seek their forgiveness. I have also hurt the name of Jesus and have sought His forgiveness.”

I shared the entire saga because I find it bizarre. Our entire exchange was very innocent. Did he have creepy plans, and then change his mind when I mentioned a boyfriend? Unlikely, given married women weren’t an obstacle. Did he change his mind when he saw me in person? Unlikely, given that I am exquisite. 😉 Could it be that it was because he was dating Lauren Alaina at the time? Maybe he offers free tickets to many people, and only occasionally got a little creepy-creeps?

I have no idea. I don’t think I will ever know, unless I asked him directly. But I am not going to abuse having his digits. Not to mention the dude has probably changed his number at this point. All I know for sure is that he treated me 100% appropriately.

Now, a graceless segue into the main point of this post – should John Crist be canceled forever? I’ve thought a little bit about this, and I think John Crist needs to come back. Forever cancellation would be way too harsh. Why?

  1. His behavior was creepy, yes, but incredibly mild compared to “secular” comedians. Honestly if he wasn’t being labeled as an “evangelical Christian” –  which I’m not even sure he would identify as – I don’t think anyone would even bat an eyelash. I mean good Lort, *opens can of worms* our President who is certainly not being shunned by the majority of Christian conservatives has unapologetically said and done much worse. And I’d like to float the idea that the personal failures of the U.S. President are more important than the personal failures of a comedian.
  2.  Yes, his comedy was centered around Christians and church culture, but he never claimed to be a spiritual leader or offered anything remotely spiritual during his comedy acts. So I don’t think he should be held to the standard of a pastor or some other spiritual leaders.
  3.  I hate this culture of wanting people to forever be buried because they had a moral failure. (Note – I mean John Crist level moral failure, not Harvey Weinstein.) Good grief – if you broadcasted everything I did – or dug up stuff I did when I was 19 – you would cancel me, too! The only saving grace for me is that I’m not important or famous enough for anyone to care. And what’s the long-term outcome for him – be forever banned from the career he’s been building for 10-15 years? Should we do this for all people who don’t hold up to our moral standards- like should I refuse to do business with a plumber if I know he cheated on his wife? Where does it all end? Should people who are canceled be put on government assistance for life? Imprisoned?? Euthanized??? I’m being dramatic, but seriously – I’m against shutting people out and sabotaging their future forever because they said and did some inappropriate things (NOTE AGAIN: of this scale).
  4.  On a very selfish note, I miss his comedy. I think we need it right now. Trey Kennedy is a weak echo of John Crist and it’s not enough!

In toto…

My personal interactions with John Crist made me think he was the bee’s knees. What he admitted to doing is bad, and in no way am I trying to minimize the badness of it. But the punishment is disproportionate to the crime. Come back please!

 

 

Are Trey Kennedy and John Crist related? An expert weighs in

A big question that seems to be tumbling around in the minds of many Christian comedy fangirls is – Are Trey Kennedy and John Crist related?

This is a great question that deserves careful consideration.

My first pass at this question was to analyze the last names of the two persons in question. John Crist’s last name seems to be “Crist,” whereas Trey Kennedy’s last name seems to be “Kennedy.” Obviously, the best way to analyze the similarity between these two is to use the Levenshtein distance, which according to the Wikipedia is “a string metric for measuring the difference between two sequences.

According to the Levenshtein distance provided by the unquestionably reputable planetcalc.org, Crist and Kennedy have a pretty high distance. If my grasp of the Levenshtein distance is correct, this means they probably do not have the same last name. Hmm.

namesimilarity

 

Okay, well what about the origin of their names? To answer this question, I judiciously chose to trust the findings from the first website that Bing’s search engine gave me.

cristnameorigin

Okay, so the original Crists probably hailed from Austria. Let’s see about the Kennedys.

kennedynameorigin

Scotland! By jove, that’s not the same country as Austria whatsoever. But maybe they are close?

austriatoscotland.png

Ohhhhh me! Oh my! I’m afraid they are not. Even though they are both in Europe, it looks like a stroll from Austria to Scotland would take 323 hours! And that’s no traffic and assuming the brave traveler was an excellent swimmer.

Okay, so far this is not looking promising. But surely there are other ways to tell if John Crist and Trey Kennedy are related. Let’s look at their facial similarity match.

cristkennedysimilaritymeter

55%… that doesn’t seem high at all. In fact, John Crist shares much more similarity with this amazingly gorgeous, completely random woman who I’ve never seen in my entire life!

gallocristsimilarity

Alright then, but sometimes siblings don’t look exactly alike, and maybe one of them changed their name to be more fame-friendly. So let’s see — relatives usually grow up around each other. So where did these fellas grow up?

John Crist’s official bio says he grew up in the deep south.

johncristgrewup

A random internet site says Trey Kennedy grew up in Oklahoma.

treykennedygrewup

But wait, sometimes Oklahoma is considered part of the south — so maybe we’re onto something! But wait a minute… The interwebz tell us the deep south is defined as —-

deepsouth

Another strike out.

Alright everyone, so according to my expert-level, exhaustive analyses, it would seem that John Crist and Trey Kennedy …

  1. Do not share the same last name
  2. Have different family origins
  3. Do not have similar faces
  4. Did not grow up in the same area of the country.

 

Based on the facts listed above, I would like to tentatively conclude that they might be related. 

Please weigh in if you have any more analysis ideers!

xoxoxoxo