The clueless man’s guide to complimenting a woman

A friend of mine has beauteous eyes. They are probably her most beguiling feature. Some guys, when (possibly?!) trying to compliment her, say something like this —

Him [while staring into her eyes]: “Hey what color are your eyes?”

Her: “Ummm.. green.”

Him: “Really? Huh. Wasn’t sure.”

Her: “Okay….”

When she told me this, I was like, “hey guh, pretty sure he just thinks your eyes are pretty.. or he wouldn’t have brought it up.” But the execution was poor, causing confusion. In conclusion… Bad Strategy: Ask her what color her eyes are, as if you failed preschool and are not yet able to identify and name colors.

eye-1132531_1920 — Men: practice on complimenting this one eye until you get comfortable with the idea. In case you are confused, this eye is GREEN *eye roll*

Don’t give her the opportunity to misunderstand your compliment for a neutral statement about your sensory processing limitations. Don’t make vague allusions to her features. Leave no doubt she is being complimented. Better Strategy: Tell her, “Your eyes are pretty.”

But if you really want to blow her away, be specific and let yourself be a little vulnerable maybe. Here’s a Gangsta-Level strategy: “Your eyes are very pretty. They’re like grey… with flecks of green. So if I’m staring at you, I’m sorry, but that’s why.”*

Yowza yowz! This last compliment shows the woman that 1) you understand basic colors 2) you took the time to think about why you liked her features so much 3) you like a physical feature that is most reflective of her inner spirit.

BOOM! You’re welcome men. Go forth and compliment like a boss!

— EDITORIAL NOTES —

*A real man actually said this to a real woman, seriously! Gangstas of love in our midst!