Claire-voyant Speaks: The future of the interwebs

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In 57 years when the Galloswag is a zesty, swoll old maid, we’ll look back on these tumultuous times and refer to them as the Wild Wild West of the Interwebs. Right now, anyone can post almost anything willy nilly with very little repercussions. Enjoy the exhilarating freedom while you can, my bold babushkas.

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I consider myself to be a bit of a Claire-voyant,* and I see interwepolicing in our future. I betcha the Authorities will set up sites to be more like physical property – some public spaces that pretty much anyone is welcome to wander into, as long as they follow basic rules of conduct. BUT sites with certain types of info will require clearance – or recommendations, maybe – that is based on who you are, your conduct on other sites, your reasons for wanting  &/or using the info, and perhaps where you live (e.g. Israel sites may not let Pakistan have access to any of their sites).

I can also see us being restricted to a narrow range of acceptable topics to discuss on social media. Because, you know, triggering, micro-aggressions, image-vomiting of engagements, weddings, and babies, etc. will be psyche-shattering for the milleniascamps.** Instead of Google’s demure suggestions (e.g. “Did you mean ‘Ted Nugent‘?” when you type in “Ted Nugget”), there will be a hyper-aggressive system that liberally auto-corrects our posts (e.g. “You meant to say ‘Thank you for sharing. I respect your opinion.’” when you type “Fudge*** you!”).

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My last rando prophetessing: I think social media will be increasingly nosy. Already, my phone will say stuff like “You’re at Times Square, a popular place to post pictures. Want to add one of your own?” In the future it will be like “You haven’t tagged Jo-Jo on any meme posts in a while. Are the two of you still friends?” SPOILER: No! Jo-Jo is dead to me!!!!”

So.. hmm. If I began this post with a clear point, it has been lost. Thus is the life of a Gallosage. I will sacrifice coherence on the altar of brilliant creativity!

But wait! I must say- don’t resign yourself to this invasive interwepolicing. Creeper Ags in Minority Report said it best-

 

— EDITORIAL NOTES —

*teehee

** aka children of millenials.

***Mama sez not to swear.

 

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